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China Is Bad and Must Now Go Sit in the Corner

by Tjames Madison

1999-08-03 08:27:42

Here's some more guys who are real mad about China, except it seems to be Americans this time. Those Chinese guys are real bad, I think.

So there is this amusement park in Orlando, Florida, right next to the Disney World, called Splendid China, and what it is like is if there were a Disneyland that had no rides or anything except painstakingly detailed reproductions of famous historical architecture from China in smaller scale, using tricks of perspective so that when you walk up to, say, the Great Wall of China, it basically looks like the Great Wall of China, unless of course there are tourists standing next to it, in which case it looks like the Great Wall of China with colorfully dressed 100-foot-tall humans about to smash into it hurly-burly.

But! These! Guys! who are called the "Citizens Against Communist Chinese Propaganda" are REAL mad at Splendid China, despite the park's exquisitely crafted miniatures and Free Dinner Special featuring Acrobats. Because while they were building all this cool Chinese stuff to look at and take pictures of after you shoo everybody out of the shot so you can try to fool people into thinking you actually went to China instead of Orlando, they also built reproductions of things like the Dalai Lama's Palace and some Mongolian stuff and called it Chinese and made it sound like the Dalai Lama was real happy to be Chinese, which of course he is not. He is really angry about that part.

Also, they built a reconstruction of a famous Turkestan tomb of an anti-Chinese patriot and renamed it to honor some other Chinese hero. So this CACCP group is really upset about China. And they have big protests there all the time and chain themselves to the Dalai Lama's palace and such.

But I hear senior citizens really enjoy Splendid China because it's a good place to walk, and then you see some acrobats and eat food. Also there are tiger shows.

I wonder about this CACCP group, though, because they are mostly Americans who are involved. I guess I'm just skeptical about things I should be all touchy-feely about, but if you're going to get mad about this bad China amusement park, shouldn't we also get mad about amusement parks that have wacky, domesticated Indians and comically obese plantation slaves who are also darn good cooks?

I mean, I don't know the answer. Probably those CACCP guys are right and China is really bad and should stop doing bad things. But that free acrobat dinner looks mighty tasty!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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