Build Date: Tue Jul 15 23:00:41 2025 UTC
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
-- Tee Mans
Strike A Blow For Common Sense
2001-09-28 22:09:26
Hey, folks. Gar gar gar. Crazed nutbags across America think that curbstomping the rights of Americans will somehow show those terrorists a thing or two. What, I dunno. But we need to put the nutbags in their place.
It's fucking CRAZY out there right now, people. Right-thinking individuals who have the temerity to even question for one second whether new surveillance bills will even help in the fight against terrorism, much less be WORTH it, are being hassled by boneheads and losers of all stripes.
Their arguments are 100% full of grade-A dog shit. "It's unamerican to question authority!" they say. "It's unamerican to stand up for your rights! It's unamerican to have differing opinions from George W. Bush! If you aren't with us, you're against us! If you don't agree to have your ass searched by the FBI on a daily basis, you are RESPONSIBLE for the thousands of deaths on 9/11! Gar gar gar!"
Well, fuck those people. This country isn't about me-too suckwads, flag-waving yahoos, and bomb-throwing asskissers. It's about dissent, freedom, and democracy. We need to tell these freaks that if they don't like America the way it is -- FREE -- they can go back to Nazi Asslandia and take their fucking straight-jackets with them.
ONE WAY TO DO SO is to sign the In Defense of Freedom petition. Short, sweet, to the point: fuck you, brain-slug fascist Brown Shirts. My country too. Don't Tread On Me. Gar gar gar.
They need 100,000 signatures in 100 hours. Starting, like, NOW. I guess that means by 10/1. So go sign, or show support, or what have you. Do it. Use your real name and don't be a jerk. Tell your friends. In a CNN world, un-stupid people need to be heard.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
