Build Date: Thu Oct 8 10:12:47 2026 UTC
Oh man, I think I drank some of that with Dr. Biggles many, many years ago when he had more internal organs.
-- Ratsnatcher
President Himself Uses Shitty Password
2000-06-30 13:54:53
Okay, so my first thought about this is that I'm worried that some asshole is going to swipe the President's password and start forging e-signatures on e-bills. I mean, your dog's name? Dumbass. My next concern is that the evil robot AIs use these signatures to take over....
Actually, that sounds pretty good. Evil robot AIs are sexy. And maybe they can put my junior high gym teacher in a braincase for unholy experiments.
Okay, Clinton used a smart card and a crappy password to sign a bill that allows electronic signatures. It's a big pretty champagne-against-the-boat thing, and I'm sure we all love his lame duck ass for being the President Who Brought Us Onto The Steam-Powered Nanometric Retrovirus Freeway.
The problem is that electronic signatures can be foiled. Maybe it's not easy to steal someone's card and learn their password, but it's also not *that* hard - people get mugged all the time, and are often stupid about passwords, like, say, naming them after their dog, which runs the risk that the dog will sell the password out. Of course, handwriting can also be forged, and I wouldn't be surprised if retinal scanning forgery became common once anyone gives a shit about it. And, eventually, as we move forward into this Sexy New Millenium, better techniques will be developed for forging biometric typing analysis, voice printing, and so on. The fact is, Presidential bill-signers and other upstanding citizens don't stand a chance of protecting their identity from the fakery of Bad People.
In the end, the problem is that we cannot come up with irrefutable proof of identity, because there is no irrefutable proof of identity.
So, I propose that instead of having electronic signatures, we should have electronic Zen Buddhist monks, with 256-bit-encrypted mantras and e-prayer beads, meditating on the lack of Self in the new Digital Era. Once we all dispel the Illusion of I, we can be assured of safe, private transactions online!
Um, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, President Clinton. Fuck you, you Communications Decency Act-signing motherfucker. You're not getting on my good side just for signing some incredibly obvious bill.
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
