The POWER of IDEAS

by Mr. Bad

1999-10-28 12:20:41

Laughable Technology

Jeez, man. It's all about GIMMICKS in this big ol' crazy dot-com feverish world. But I got to say that I think WIMMIN'S SITES are, like, the weirdest gimmick of all.

Curiosity got the best of me and I just checked out this weirdo CHICKMAIL free email Web site that you've probably seen tons of banner ads for all over the Web (banner ads -> they have money). The ads and the graphics are REALLY FUNKY and chicky, with lots of NOSE RINGS and BELLY BUTTON TATTOOS and that kind of shit. They look like LEVI'S SILVERTAB ADS with fatter, sassier girls.

But, what is CHICK MAIL? What is so superbly fantastically CHICK-LIKE about this mail service? I went and signed up for a chickmail.com free email account (send me mail at MisterBad@chickmail.com), and except for a few bits of navitorial along the lines of "You go, Girl!" and "Right on, Sister!" there was zero difference from any other Web email service.

I'm not a woman, but if I was I think I would kind of be insulted by this type of site. Like, as if REGULAR Web email is TOO HARD for GURLZ, and they get all fuddled up in their pritty little heads and make attractive frowny faces and sometimes break a nail on the keyboard. But CHICKMAIL is DIFFERENT, because it's EASIER for CHICKS, with a safe and supportive system for women to use the Web, like a birdcage for delicate and easily-flustered pigeons.

Surprisingly, this is not necessary. It's been proven that REAL WOMEN can use COMPUTERS with FAIR to GOOD competency, even outside of a laboratory environment. Many can actually sit down at a computer and get ACTUAL WORK done, without accidentally reformatting their hard drive or poking themselves in the eye with the keyboard or pressing the wrong button and ordering 10,000,000 copies of Infinite Jest from amazon.com. There are even rumors of FEMALE COMPUTER PROFESSIONALS who build computers, write software, and do tech support for THOUSANDS of other people -- some of them men! Hard to believe, isn't it?

So, I dunno. It seems dumb to me, but that could be because I'm a GUY. I guess the deal is that if you come up with a GIMMICK, no matter how FLIMSY, you should pretty much run with it. Well, OK. Whatever. Chickmail, you go, girl!

Check it out yourself

yungstud@pigdog.org