The POWER of IDEAS
1999-10-28 12:20:41
Jeez, man. It's all about GIMMICKS in this big ol' crazy dot-com feverish world. But I got to say that I think WIMMIN'S SITES are, like, the weirdest gimmick of all.
Curiosity got the best of me and I just checked out this weirdo CHICKMAIL free email Web site that you've probably seen tons of banner ads for all over the Web (banner ads -> they have money). The ads and the graphics are REALLY FUNKY and chicky, with lots of NOSE RINGS and BELLY BUTTON TATTOOS and that kind of shit. They look like LEVI'S SILVERTAB ADS with fatter, sassier girls.
But, what is CHICK MAIL? What is so superbly fantastically CHICK-LIKE about this mail service? I went and signed up for a chickmail.com free email account (send me mail at MisterBad@chickmail.com), and except for a few bits of navitorial along the lines of "You go, Girl!" and "Right on, Sister!" there was zero difference from any other Web email service.
I'm not a woman, but if I was I think I would kind of be insulted by this type of site. Like, as if REGULAR Web email is TOO HARD for GURLZ, and they get all fuddled up in their pritty little heads and make attractive frowny faces and sometimes break a nail on the keyboard. But CHICKMAIL is DIFFERENT, because it's EASIER for CHICKS, with a safe and supportive system for women to use the Web, like a birdcage for delicate and easily-flustered pigeons.
Surprisingly, this is not necessary. It's been proven that REAL WOMEN can use COMPUTERS with FAIR to GOOD competency, even outside of a laboratory environment. Many can actually sit down at a computer and get ACTUAL WORK done, without accidentally reformatting their hard drive or poking themselves in the eye with the keyboard or pressing the wrong button and ordering 10,000,000 copies of Infinite Jest from amazon.com. There are even rumors of FEMALE COMPUTER PROFESSIONALS who build computers, write software, and do tech support for THOUSANDS of other people -- some of them men! Hard to believe, isn't it?
So, I dunno. It seems dumb to me, but that could be because I'm a GUY. I guess the deal is that if you come up with a GIMMICK, no matter how FLIMSY, you should pretty much run with it. Well, OK. Whatever. Chickmail, you go, girl!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)