Build Date: Wed Oct 8 23:40:24 2025 UTC
Don't be dissin' on my wine, you potatoe drinkin' head-freezer.
-- Ratsnatcher
The POWER of IDEAS
1999-10-28 12:20:41
Jeez, man. It's all about GIMMICKS in this big ol' crazy dot-com feverish world. But I got to say that I think WIMMIN'S SITES are, like, the weirdest gimmick of all.
Curiosity got the best of me and I just checked out this weirdo CHICKMAIL free email Web site that you've probably seen tons of banner ads for all over the Web (banner ads -> they have money). The ads and the graphics are REALLY FUNKY and chicky, with lots of NOSE RINGS and BELLY BUTTON TATTOOS and that kind of shit. They look like LEVI'S SILVERTAB ADS with fatter, sassier girls.
But, what is CHICK MAIL? What is so superbly fantastically CHICK-LIKE about this mail service? I went and signed up for a chickmail.com free email account (send me mail at MisterBad@chickmail.com), and except for a few bits of navitorial along the lines of "You go, Girl!" and "Right on, Sister!" there was zero difference from any other Web email service.
I'm not a woman, but if I was I think I would kind of be insulted by this type of site. Like, as if REGULAR Web email is TOO HARD for GURLZ, and they get all fuddled up in their pritty little heads and make attractive frowny faces and sometimes break a nail on the keyboard. But CHICKMAIL is DIFFERENT, because it's EASIER for CHICKS, with a safe and supportive system for women to use the Web, like a birdcage for delicate and easily-flustered pigeons.
Surprisingly, this is not necessary. It's been proven that REAL WOMEN can use COMPUTERS with FAIR to GOOD competency, even outside of a laboratory environment. Many can actually sit down at a computer and get ACTUAL WORK done, without accidentally reformatting their hard drive or poking themselves in the eye with the keyboard or pressing the wrong button and ordering 10,000,000 copies of Infinite Jest from amazon.com. There are even rumors of FEMALE COMPUTER PROFESSIONALS who build computers, write software, and do tech support for THOUSANDS of other people -- some of them men! Hard to believe, isn't it?
So, I dunno. It seems dumb to me, but that could be because I'm a GUY. I guess the deal is that if you come up with a GIMMICK, no matter how FLIMSY, you should pretty much run with it. Well, OK. Whatever. Chickmail, you go, girl!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)