Build Date: Sat Feb 15 07:00:20 2025 UTC
In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.
-- HST
What Part of 'Betamax' Don't You People Understand?
1999-09-13 23:51:17
OK, folks, I'm just really amazed that this needs to be said, but here it goes: nobody wants Sony minidiscs. They're useless little slabs of plastic and thin film. It's a stupid and proprietary storage medium and they just suck.
Whoever is the SENIOR EXTRA VICE PRESIDENT in charge of MINIDISC TECHNOLOGY should just commit really gruesome ritual suicide right NOW. On the STREETS of TOKYO in BROAD DAYLIGHT. JESUS FUCK, man! d00d, it's just going NOWHERE. Despite the fact that you are buying kajillions of dollars worth of American radio and TV airtime for your dumb and frankly annoying minidisc commercials I have NEVER seen a real live human being handling a fucking Sony minidisc.
I'm not just some bumblefuck from East Nowhere, Ioway, either. I live in the FUCKING SILICON JUNGLE of SAN FRANCISCO where folks with JAGUARS buy useless Japanese technology ALL THE FUCKING TIME just to show that they're big digerati and shit and that they have way too much money. Or where folks with tape on their glasses buy stuff in bins just to take it apart and see how it works. Or, conversely, where bad kids in cafes use their E profits to buy magic amulets to show that they're big ol' cyberpunks or whatever.
I guess what I'm saying is that I know the DILETTANTES, the HOBBYISTS and the TRUE BELIEVERS and not ONE of these early adopter groups thinks your minidisc technology is worth a GOOD GODDAMN. I have NEVER SEEN a MINIDISC, man. NEVER.
I got to admit that I admired your sticktuitiveness at first. How long have you had these little pieces of crap going, like 8-9 years, right? And NOBODY BUYS THEM. But you keep having COMMERCIALS and ads in W I R E D that say, like, "INTRODUCING the Sony minidisc." Like it's not the SAME FUCKING MINIDISC that you introduced in 1997 and 1994. Jesus! Just GIVE IT UP. You're EMBARASSING YOURSELVES.
It's just IMPOSSIBLE to get this idea through to you people, though, isn't it? You kept up that FARCE of BETAMAX for, like, 15 years or something. That one was just DUMB. After 1982 NOBODY HAD A BETAMAX, but they kept stocking beta tapes in the video stores for god knows what reasons. I personally think it was PRESSURE from the YAKUZA, but that's just me.
It's OK to make a mistake, Sony. Everyone makes mistakes. The thing is to realize your mistakes and move on, not to DRAG your HUMILIATING STUPID IDIOTIC IDEA around for YEARS AND YEARS out in the open where everyone can see, like some kind of DROOLING PARASITIC TWIN attached at the TORSO. It's just GROSS. QUIT IT. Sell all your back stock to the Korean military, take it as a loss on your books, and drop the FUCKING SUBJECT already. Christ!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)