Build Date: Sat Feb 15 06:50:17 2025 UTC
we are being too nice. i miss nastiness and perversion.
-- rotten elf
Transfer Capacitor Storage Device
1999-06-30 11:11:10
The American Computer Company produced a web page announcing its new Transfer Capacitor Storage Device that can store 90GB on a device the size of a poker chip. Unlike previous announcements that ACC has made, this one is ALMOST FREE of references to the Roswell saucer crash and alien technologies.
"We have no idea where the drawings from which we derived our TCAP came from. They were extremely complex but not that detailed, we had to fill in the gaps. Obviously, very deep studies were performed, and IBM and Western Electric (Bell Labs) were involved in the 1947-1955 analysis of this technology, but from WHERE did it come? Neither IBM nor Bell could figure out what it did back then, but we have the advantages of a very brilliant scientist, and 50 years later science. Yet, compared to what the Army allegedly discovered 50 years ago, our rendering is probably rather primitive, but over time, as we develop more facilities, we should be able to migrate the Transcap into mainstream, replacing the Transistor. Average Humanity must be, on the intelligence scale, the equivalent of a "low grade moron" compared with wherever this device's design came from. In a report read to me yesterday, we have been told that IBM is extremely 'jumpy' about all this, and local confidential inquiries in the Westchester County, New York area around IBM's "New Orchard Road, Armonk" headquarters seems to indicate that while most IBM'ers agree with what we are doing 100%, IBM Corporate Relations continues to try to find ways to upset our applecart, pardon my pun."
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)