Build Date: Wed Oct 22 18:50:24 2025 UTC
I encourage you to drink wine and examine your motives for being such an aggressive and angry skeptic.
-- Ratsnatcher
Hey Mister, Bad News for DOS Fans
2000-02-08 11:29:23
So DOS is like this TOTALLY CRAZY operating system, made by MICROSOFT of all people, and WHOA, apparently it was once the dominant OS on like ALMOST ALL COMPUTERS ANYWHERE! How did I miss out on DOS?
DOS was this OS for really BAD PEOPLE. For instance, it could only use 640K of high memory TOTAL, so all programs had to be written to slip under that limit. So NATURALLY people came up with all sorts of bizarro programs to get around that limit. Unfortunately, they all SUCKED. So people would use DOS and TEAR THEIR HAIR OUT because it was so LAME!
CRAZY! Also, DOS came with all these little programs, sort of like how Linux comes with tons of programs, but these weren't USEFUL programs that HUMANS could use: INSTEAD, they were just these programs that let you do things like VIEW A DIRECTORY! DOS was so lame that it couldn't do ANYTHING by itself.
I can't believe I overlooked DOS! The even INSANER part is that it was developed by BILL GATES! BILL GATES! Do you hear me?!? And all these clods in Redmond worked AROUND THE CLOCK, seven days a WEEK to produce new versions of DOS! But it never got any better!
Someone get me a GLASS OF WATER! I think I'm PASSING OUT!
DOS! CRAZY! WOW! Check out the DOS and be down with the DOS CREW! Yo!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)