Build Date: Thu May 1 05:00:42 2025 UTC
Pigdog is dead. Long live Pigdog.
-- P A U L
Jerry Springer Sanitized!
1999-05-26 05:23:46
There has always been a purity to the Jerry Springer show. Over the years, it has become nastier, and increasingly brutal, and it has come to represent the ultimate distillation of trash talk show television. A classic for all time! It was just too good to last. Now, the show has been castrated--right at the end of sweeps week...
The gossip talk show format may be evil, but the Jerry Springer show was the purest, most innovative example of the genre. And it had the highest ratings...
Unlike Sally, Montel, and Maury, who are stuck with the old formula, i.e., destroying people's lives on TV while pretending to help them, and unlike Oprah and Jenny who only do "nice" shows anymore with makeovers and cooking tips, Jerry has pushed the core aspects of the format -- sensational sex gossip, confrontation, violent outbreaks, weeping, public shame and humiliation -- to their limits. The Jerry Springer show is much more honest, more raw. Lately, even Jerry's signature moralizing at the end of the show has turned into little more than a commentary on who the guests were and why they were fighting, in case you couldn't figure it out based on who was stomping who.
In the last couple of years, the show has become a vicious fighting arena for hillbillies, degenerates, and freaks stupid enough to appear. The audience is little more than an angry, hopped up mob who would gladly stone the guests to death, or pelt them with rocks and garbage if they were given the opportunity. This year Springer has added a new twist: the guests have been physically attacking the audience and vice versa. Genius!
But all of this innovation and purity comes at a price. Jerry has been the focal point of the critics' and politicians' attacks on the whole gossip talk show format. And now USA Networks is running scared. Against the protests of local affiliate stations everywhere, they have been showing reruns of ancient Springer shows that have no punch. And worse, they promise to cut the heart out of the show, turning it into some kind of milquetoast, sissy Oprah shit.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
