Boy Howdy! That's some damn fine Pigdog!


Having Trouble Deciding a Meal? Some Suggestions
2000-02-09 12:50:08

Mmmm Mmmm Good
I never met a deadline that I liked.
-- Frankenstein Jones


Looking for a hearty meal anyone would love? Why not ask the people who would know best? Here's a list of menus from people who had one final chance to pick the best dish ever.

The state of Texas, in the interest of cybermorbidity, has published a comprehensive list of last meal requests of those sentenced to death.

Most people requested either some sort of beef product (T-bone steak, cheeseburger, and ribs are most popular), or a breakfast thing. Only one guy who requested food requested something you couldn't get at Denny's: Ramon Hernandez requested "Beef tacos, beef enchiladas, jalapeno peppers, salad onion, hot sauce, shredded cheese and coffee." (And can you imagine the heartburn he's going to have, upon being reborn into the body of a newborn gazelle?)

A ton of people declined their last meal - which is a nice way of saying, "Fuck you!" to the people who are killing you. Robert Madden requested his meal be given to a homeless person instead. A bunch of people requested cigarettes, which are forbidden by policy. Delbert Teague, Jr., didn't want to have anything, but his mother insisted he have a hamburger - Mom, you're embarassing me! One just requested wild game and lemonade, but the people running the place didn't feel like bothering, so they got him a hamburger and fries instead.

A few people requested religious paraphenalia or abstract concepts.


So, here's the new dinner party game I propose: "Last Meal"

Everyone sits in a circle and one person is picked. That person thinks about it, and tells everyone what his or her last meal request would be.

If the request is convenient, everyone prepares the meal and serves it. Otherwise, they just serve cheeseburger and fries.

You're allowed to deny your last meal or request an abstract concept, but that means you get no meal. Vegetarians must request what Frank McFarland wanted:

Heaping portion of lettuce, a sliced tomato, a sliced cucumber, four celery stalks, four sticks of American or Cheddar cheese, two bananas and two cold half pints of milk. Asked that all vegetables be washed prior to serving. Also asked that the cheese sticks be Aclean.

Send Pigdog your last meal requests! Remember, no bubblegum, alcohol, or tobacco.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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