I live in the year 2000, and let me tell you, the future SUCKS! I'm hungover all the time, and there are no personal jetpacks as previously promised, and most of my favorite techno artistes haven't made a new music crystal since LONG AGO. The only thing that is worth a CYBERSHIT in the future is the PARKWAY.
The Parkway Theatre in Oakland, Californi-ay is the FUTURE of CINEMAR. It's
really superfantastic, and if you live in the Bay Area (now known as
Bayareatron 2000) and haven't been to the Parkway you suck dirt. Because it is
the super-best!
The concept dealio with the Parkway is this: you know when you go to the movies
STONED and all they have to eat are sickening months-old Jujubees and rock-hard
Raisinettes? So instead you get a super-jumbo popcorn that tasted like packing
peanuts covered with LARD and ROCK SALT? And then you eat so much that you BARF
it all up in the disgusting movie bathroom?
Or howabout you sneak in a six-pack of beer in your backpack or purse? And how
inconvenient that is, because you can only carry so much beer on your person at
one time, and your moochy friends drink all your beers and then you have to
watch "You've Got Mail" SOBER? Don't
you hate that?
Well the great part about the Parkway is that A) they have delicioso PIZZA for
all showings, with many yummy toppings of all flavors and textures, and B) they
serve PITCHERS of BEER. That's RIGHT! Oh, wait, there's a couple of more great
things: getting in the door is REALLY CHEAP, like FIVE DOLLARS or something,
because HELL they figger they'll make it up in beer and pizza. And the other
thing is that they have BIG LAZY COUCHES with COFFEE TABLES that you can put
your feet up on and unbutton your pants because you ate so much beer and pizza.
It is EXACTLY like watching movies at HOME except instead of having a dinky
little 32" Trinitron you have a 1200" silver screen. AND, instead of having to
yell at your significant other to bring you more beer, which you may have
noticed always makes them kinda cranky, they have OBSEQUIOUS TOADY-LIKE
WAITPERSONS who will come bring you pitchers and pizza. I mean, BEAUJOLAIS!
I highly recommend going to the historic Parkway in the fabulous Lake Merritt
district of Oakland, CA. Beaujolais to them, and beaujolais to you.
