Build Date: Sat Apr 26 04:10:30 2025 UTC
What do you drink, those little things called "pints"?
-- Master Squid
Florida Man files petition to ban Bibles from school libraries
2022-05-18 03:44:29
The Republican majority Florida legislature recently passed the Stop WOKE Act (HB 7), which prohibits teaching Critical Race Theory in schools, and the "Don't Say Gay" bill, which bans any materials or class instruction involving gender and sexual orientation. Since last July over 200 books have been banned. Chaz Stevens wants to add book to the banned list which is even more dangerous to young, impressionable minds, The Bible.
Mr. Stevens has sent letters to superintendents in eight school districts in Florida, including Miami-Dade County Public Schools and Broward County Public Schools, demanding that The Bible be removed from classrooms and libraries, citing its inclusion of inappropriate topics.
The letter reads as follows:
Good day to you, hope these words find you well.
As you well know, Gov. Ron DeSantis signed House Bill 1467, which requires school districts to give parents a say in the selection of instructional materials, including library books and textbooks.
With that in mind, I wish to file such an objection, requesting the Miami-Dade County Public School system immediately remove the Bible from the classroom, library, and any instructional material. Additionally, I also seek the banishment of any book that references the Bible. And, as is often the case with banned books, I ask your agency lay flame to that giant stack of fiction in a pyre worthy of a Viking sendoff.
My objection to the Bible being in our public schools is based on the following points:
1. Age Appropriateness.
As the Bible casually references such topics as adultery and fornication – or as I like to think, Date Night Friday Night – do we really want to teach our youth about drunken orgies?
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. -- Matthew 15:19
Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. -- Romans 13:13
2. Bestiality and Rape.
Taking a cue from Florida Statute Ch. 847.001 6(a,b,c), one should consider such discussions to be harmful to minors and obscene.
Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion. -- Leviticus 18:23
3. Wokenness.
With the constant babbling concerns about teaching Critical Race Theory, should we not take stock of the Bible’s position on slavery? I am concerned our young white students will read such passages and wake up to civilization’s sordid past.
Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; not with eye-service, as men-pleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. -- Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians, VI, 5-7
4. Social-Emotional Learning.
The most troubling of issues for many, as it’s obvious once we teach little Jimmy and Susie to show empathy for their classmates, they’re one giant step closer to getting their LGBTQ+ freak on.
It is not good enough for man to be alone, therefore, encourage one another and build each other up! -- Genesis 2:18
In summation, please accept this document as my request to remove the Bible, and any referential material, from the Miami-Dade County Public Schools. In the end, if Jimmy and Susie are curious about any of the above, they can do what everyone does – get a room at the Motel Six and grab the Gideons.
If this request fails to follow (yet to be published) Florida Department of Education guidelines, I ask for an opportunity to cure any defect that might arise.
My very best to you and my sincerest thanks for taking care of our kids.
Bishop Chaz Stevens
Ordained in California, Florida, and Jezero County, Mars
First Church of Mars
Executive Director
Schadenboner Incorporated
"They better not fucking ignore me," Stevens warns. "If they ignore me, doesn't that tell you something? The government can't pick and choose religion, but can they choose which books they review for banning and which ones they don't?"
It tells us something Chaz, it tells us something. But it was something we already knew.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
Owner of 6 Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Arrested
Reefer madness or a government fabrication? (More...)