Build Date: Sun Feb 1 22:50:08 2026 UTC
Where are the myths? Who's writing the new epics? Where's the adventure?
-- Enigma
Keep Your Quake III; I'll Just Play Zangband
1999-11-02 11:06:10
Yeah, I know, I know. First-person shooters and real-time strategy games are big, Big, BIG! But I've got ADD and I get bored easy. Walking around a maze and shooting at the same 4 monsters over and over gets old quick. To keep me challenged, interested, and excited, man, I GOT to have a good Rogue-like game. And Zangband is the best.
Folks who are used to ultra-realistic 3-D Voodoo-Hoodoo graphics and spectacular explosions of pixellated gore probably don't quite GROK why roguelike games are so popular. I mean, instead of a GUN and a ROCKET LAUNCHER you get the "@" symbol. This is you, in your fear-inspiring glory! And instead of a bunch of DROOLING MUMMIES, you get attacked by "O" and "T" and the VERY DREADED "p." ASCII characters that inspire INCREDIBLE FEAR! What the FUCK?
But the thing about rogue-like games that makes them worth playing is the incredible DEPTH of the game world. Zangband, for example, has >1000 types of monsters to fight, 100 levels, 50+ quests, and an unending array of fascinating game situations.
The other thing that's cool is that you develop a CHARACTER. Your character is a work of ART, not just based on what you HAVE or what Pacman level-route you follow, but on all the choices you make from the minute you start the game. It's TOTALLY COOL.
Like I said, Zangband is the connoisseur's roguelike game (nethack coming in a close second or third, maybe). There's a kajillion ports to practically every platform under the sun (Acorn RISC OS?!) and lots of cool sites about it. You should start playing Zangband TODAY. Go! Now!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Alright kids, this is the column where you write in with the lurid details of your personal lives, and I put them on the Internet for everyone to snicker at. But also, I give you a free Tarot reading, so there's that. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
