Build Date: Fri Jan 30 08:10:06 2026 UTC
Psychedelics are almost irrelevant in a town where you can wander into a casino any time of the day or night and witness the crucifiction of a gorilla...
-- HST
LEARN FORTH
1999-10-03 14:07:49
dewdz! I finally found a good Forth tutorial on the WEB! Praise be to Jesus!
I'm trying desperately to learn Forth real hard, in order to break my brain the final last bits and become the ultimate Bad Person of the Future. I think I pointed this out before, but it bears repeating: Forth is the horrible drunken rogue elephant of the programming world. Future space dictators will use Forth to program their legions of oppress-o-bots because it will make them EXTRA RUTHLESS and UNPREDICTABLE.
Anyways, learning Forth is hard. Not just because it's CRAZY in a tuneless-piping-of-idiots Lovecraftian way, but also because there AREN'T any good learning references on the Web. Maybe trying to explain Forth drives already unstable programmers over the edge into the realm of madness, where invisible demons drag them through the street and gnaw on their bones. So, like, they can't finish that Forth tutorial page or whatever. I dunno. This is just a theory.
Well, anywho, just when I was about to despair and go back to some prosaic and sane language like Python, I found the pForth Web page on Google. The Web site is GREAT. pForth is an implementation of Forth that is GREAT. (It's public domain, even.) But the most GREAT thing is that there's a FORTH TUTORIAL available.
The tutorial is good and easy and I was able to go through it in a couple of hours. I don't think it teaches you everything you need to know about Forth, but I think it gives you a good enough starting point to be able to teach yourself the rest. At least, I think so.
If doing the tutorial makes Forth too easy and prosaic, try doing it in FRENCH instead. Pretend you're a mad reclusive Quebecois robotics expert with a rocket launcher and a dream. I dunno, maybe it could help.
Rock the house and LEARN FORTH.

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)