Build Date: Wed Oct 8 20:20:45 2025 UTC
"Let's roll" was the last thing heard over a air-to-ground phone connection, said by one passenger to another, before the passengers attempted to retake the fourth hijacked aircraft on 9-11. Instead of gaining control of the aircraft and thwarting the hijackers, they succeeded in crashing the plane into the ground and killing everyone aboard, including themselves. A fitting motto if there ever was one.
-- Baron Earl (referring to George W. Bush's new national motto)
Quantum Deep-Fried Electrodiddle If I Ever Saw It
2002-04-22 20:22:15
So I saw this news article titled "Hydrogel-Based Nanoparticles Make Photonic Crystals." And I have no real idea what any of those words mean, but I think I really like them.
I mean, "Hydrogel." I think that's probably what Spockette from "Star Trek: Enterprise" likes to rub all over her naked breasties in the decontamination chamber. It seems to make them stand up real nice. Hydrogel. Just the sound of it is sexy. It's a super lube of the utopian future! It lets you have double-fisted anal sex at hyper speeds with maximum thrust!
And "nanoparticles" is nice too, of course. Not sexy, but funny; kind of Mork-ish. I mean, just play with it a little. Nanoparticulate. Nanoparticulariffic! I want a nanoparticle-board for my office.
It does trouble me a little that both of those words seem kind of redundant. I mean, "hydro" is just a water kind of thing, right, and so is gel, so I don't see why Hydrogel is all that special, except for the part about anal sex. And "nano" is just, like, small; and you would expect particles to be small anyway. But I've learned not to argue with Science, especially when it has two fists up my ass.
So now we're at the Photonic Crystals, which I actually have heard of before, but crystals are groovy, man. Quartz crystals are for psychic powers, and dilithium crystals are for warp engines, and photonic crystals are for a blazing fast Internet that will make all our heads explode just like on Max Headroom. So those are all good things.
The rest of the article is fun too. We are assured that: "The soft and conformable spherical particles could be the basis for a 'photonic fluid' that would be custom processed to form self-assembled periodic structures." I don't understand that, but it makes me feel safe and cared for, like a baby or a pet. I think it's the words "soft" and "conformable." They kind of make me think of Teletubbies. Being fisted.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
