Build Date: Sat Feb 24 09:30:16 2024 UTC

No more Task Force Smiths!
-- The Compulsive Splicer

Quantum Deep-Fried Electrodiddle If I Ever Saw It

by Siduri

2002-04-22 20:22:15

So I saw this news article titled "Hydrogel-Based Nanoparticles Make Photonic Crystals." And I have no real idea what any of those words mean, but I think I really like them.

I mean, "Hydrogel." I think that's probably what Spockette from "Star Trek: Enterprise" likes to rub all over her naked breasties in the decontamination chamber. It seems to make them stand up real nice. Hydrogel. Just the sound of it is sexy. It's a super lube of the utopian future! It lets you have double-fisted anal sex at hyper speeds with maximum thrust!

And "nanoparticles" is nice too, of course. Not sexy, but funny; kind of Mork-ish. I mean, just play with it a little. Nanoparticulate. Nanoparticulariffic! I want a nanoparticle-board for my office.

It does trouble me a little that both of those words seem kind of redundant. I mean, "hydro" is just a water kind of thing, right, and so is gel, so I don't see why Hydrogel is all that special, except for the part about anal sex. And "nano" is just, like, small; and you would expect particles to be small anyway. But I've learned not to argue with Science, especially when it has two fists up my ass.

So now we're at the Photonic Crystals, which I actually have heard of before, but crystals are groovy, man. Quartz crystals are for psychic powers, and dilithium crystals are for warp engines, and photonic crystals are for a blazing fast Internet that will make all our heads explode just like on Max Headroom. So those are all good things.

The rest of the article is fun too. We are assured that: "The soft and conformable spherical particles could be the basis for a 'photonic fluid' that would be custom processed to form self-assembled periodic structures." I don't understand that, but it makes me feel safe and cared for, like a baby or a pet. I think it's the words "soft" and "conformable." They kind of make me think of Teletubbies. Being fisted.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

jared@pigdog.org

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