Burn them ALL! ALL of THEM!

     
 

High School Confidential
2002-01-24 13:30:15


Drive-In Pigdog
 
Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube.
-- HST

 

Heroin! Pot! And Jerry Lee Lewis! This campy 50s movie turns your VCR into a drive-in....

Five minutes into High School Confidential bad Tony is smoking a reefer in the principal's office. Back in class, he's hitting on his teacher. Why not, he's 22... She returns him to the principal, who confiscates Tony's knife.

At home Tony's horny incestuous aunt puts the moves on him. But he's only interested in that blond good girl who's jonesing bad for a stick of marijuana. Real bad; the last girl in this town who smoked marijuana became a shivering heroin junkie sold into prostitution.

There's an insane drag race, plus lots of hipster slang like "Daddy-O." But what Tony really wants is to score several kilograms of heroin to become the town's dope peddling king. Woe to naive parents who ignored the police commissioner's warnings....

It's more fun to root for the hopped-up beatnik teen, of course. In real life, David Lynch even hired the actor -- 35 years later -- to be on Twin Peaks. The drug dealer's henchman, meanwhile, in real life spawned messed-up Drew Barrymore. And the drug dealer himself? Uncle Fester from the Addams Family.

Somewhere in the mix is Michael Landon and Charlie Chaplin's son -- but most espeically Jerry Lee Lewis, who serenades the townfolk from the back of a flat-bed pickup, pounding on a piano as they drive through the city.

Where is this town?

Because I want to be a turned-on daddy-o too....

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

radon@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

T O P   S T O R I E S

Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
by Thom 'Starky' Stark, Lenny Tuberose, 'Tricky' Rick Moen, Destino

The One Trump Conspiracy That Will Explain Everything
by El Destino

No, Google Isn't Using Grand Theft Auto To Train Self-Driving Cars
by El Destino

Amazon's 'Dash' Button For Doritos Panned By Potheads
by El Destino

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

03-31

Baron Earl

Creating a wall-hangable computer from an Ikea shadow box frame

More Quickies...