Gentle Reader, The Word will leap on you with leopard man iron claws, it will cut off fingers and toes like an opportunist land crab, it will coil round your thighs like a bushmaster and inject a shot glass of rancid ectoplasm. -- WSB
Last week I made my first pilgrimage to the Parkway Theater
in Oakland, California to see American Pimp. I think
I have found Movie Theater Nirvana!
The Parkway Theater isn't your average movie theater. It's way above average.
So far above average in fact that the line that marks "average" is a tiny speck
so far below you wouldn't know what it was unless someone told you.
First off, The Parkway Theater has Will "The Thrill" and Tiki Goddess. Will was
out greeting people in front of the theater when we showed up, wearing a tuxedo
I rejected as being too tacky when I went to my Senior Prom way back when. (I
dressed in a baby blue tux with matching pants and shoes, a white frilled
shirt, and a blue bow tie.) Will was decked out in something similar, only with
a lot more pink accents and more frills. I didn't see Tiki Goddess, but I've
Once you're in the Parkway head for the snack bar and order a couple of
pitchers of beer and a pizza. (The Pigdog crack beverage research team ordered
eight pitchers of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and one large pepperoni pizza.) You
heard me correctly, the Parkway serves beer, on tap, in glass pitchers with
glass pint glasses. They also cook up a great pepperoni pizza, which their
staff delivers to your seat while you're watching the movie.
I bet right now you're thinking "That sounds great! But how do you eat a pizza
when you're sitting in a movie theater? Where do you set a pitcher of beer down
while you're squeezing down the aisle, squirming past people already seated?"
You don't. The Parkway is FAR too civilized to make you put up with such
nonsense. The Parkway has ripped out most of the rows of seats you'd find in an
average theater and replaced them with couches and upholstered chairs. They
also have cocktail tables placed near the couches so you'll have a place to set
that pitcher of beer, your glasses, and the pizza when it arrives.
So you can now sit back with your friends, have a few pints of beer, watch a
GREAT movie like American Pimp, eat pizza, and leave feeling that the
world is a better place.
The Parkway shows classic movies, documentaries, and new releases. This month
they've been showing High Fidelity, Me, Myself, and Irene,
Shaft (the new one), Chicken Run, Grass, and It
Happened One Night. I'm going to go again. Soon.