Build Date: Sat Feb 15 07:00:20 2025 UTC
There are half-eaten animals lying on the sidewalks!
-- Head Freezin' Gene
Webzine99 going on NOW!
1999-07-24 12:25:57
Hey, check out the crazy action at Webzine99! Home away from home for Pigdog Journal and dozens of other Webzines for one day only!
Well, sure, I've been hyping this crazy Webzine99 thinger for a few weeks now. I think it's the cat's meow. And right NOW we are at the Webzine99 ground zero of fun! Can you believe it?
OK, well, actually that's a lie. I'm actually sitting at my computer at home, getting READY to go to Webzine99. I should have got ready last night, but instead I went to Albany and got REAL DRUNK on call cocktails at Club Mallard with Zacho, Special Ed, and Wendy. I was supposed to be working on stuff for Webzine99 with Splicer, but instead I was drinking delicious martinis with Bombay Sapphire! Beaujolais!
As a brief aside, I highly recommend getting the Bombay Sapphire if you're feeling all fancy and want to start getting call drinks. See, if you call vodka, like say Ketel One, they don't pour you a whole lot of it because they gotta save some for all the other fancy people who call Ketel One. So they just give you a little blip of vodka: BLIP. But if you call GIN, you'll get LOTS of gin, because NOBODY LIKES GIN. So they don't care about conserving the gin, and, hell, they kinda want to get it out from behind the bar because it smells terrible, so they just go BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP dumping gin in your martini glass! Splashing it everywhere, even dumping it erotically on the scantily dressed cocktail waitresses! They are generous to a fault with GIN! So get that!
So anyways, I got real drunk on gin and then went over to Powerful P A U L's house at like 1AM. P A U L has a life-size cutout of Spock that we NEEDED for the Webzine99 thing, so we went and liberated Spock. P A U L was still up, because he was moving to his new house and shit, so we came in. The GREAT part was that he and his bad wife Distressa have a huge liquor cabinet that they didn't want to pack for their move. So we mixed lots of Drambuie with pickle juice from the nearly empty fridge, and drank that, and got really bad drunk, and I didn't get home till 4AM, and that's why I'm late for Webzine99. DAMN!
Anywho, we're gonna have a big TABLE at Webzine99, with Pigdog Journal all set up so you can read it there, and fliers and stickers and crazy Pigdoggers that you can get your picture taken with. It'll be real fun. There's also gonna be a live simulcast of these crazy TechnoState people, who are going to be pounding out big techno for your viewing pleasure. And the WryBread cam, which is like the link at the bottom here.
So, if you are a Pigdog fan, come show us your love at the Webzine99. It will be the fun stuff! Or look at the cam if you can't make it! Like I care!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)