BUGPORN is REAL GROSS!

     
 

Lego DEATHSTORMS
1999-10-24 16:10:06


Deadly Things
 
I live in a tiny, mysterious third-world country that is very far away and filled with meat golems. It is called 'Colorado'.
-- Tjames Madison

 

Every treatise I've ever read about how terrible "war toys" are mentions Lego building bricks as a constructive alternative. HA HA HA! Who are these people kidding?! Kids just make their own horrendous DEATH MACHINES out of Legos! The only problem: not enough olive drab bricks. But now an evil German toy company is making near-perfect knock-off Lego bricks. And they have tanks, missile launchers, army guys, and attack helicopter sets! Everything you always wanted!

I always found it ridiculous that I wasn't allowed to have war toys. I guess my parents were propagandized by all of that new philosophy on child rearing and whatnot that came out of the sixties. But you cannot fool mother nature. Kids love war! And you know what? I just made guns out of sticks, and string, and most of the "educational toys" I had made great guns! Or cannon fodder. Playskool people made great citizens for my Lego city of Dresden, which I bombed almost every day after school!

The Swedish Play Council defines war toys as "....playthings which are used to solve conflict, gain power, or win through the use of violence. Their aim is to wound or kill." Sure. All true. But don't you think kids should learn those things?? Those are all important skills for survival in corporate life. And there are still lots of wars to be fought! Let's not kid ourselves. War is here to stay!

And these anti-war toy people don't acknowledge the other valuable lessons of war-toy play. Things such as the camaraderie and bonding between soldiers on the battle field, strategy, thinking skills, self-reliance, and utilizing the latest war technology!

So check out the Best-Lock toy company! Makers of 100% compatible faux Legos! (Available at Target.) My favorite sets are the UN Survey troops! They have white tanks and evil blue helmets! They can teach kids to identify the New World Order troops, which will most likely be rolling into towns everywhere any day now.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

paco@pigdog.org


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