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Bubble Boy No More!
2000-05-01 11:30:43


Deadly Things
 
Wow! Cool. You're writing from the future. Is there still beer?
-- Miss Conduct

 

In 1976, the world knew nothing about severe combined immunodeficiency, boys in fish tanks, or even John Travolta. But one movie changed all that.

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble is a touching story of young Tod Lubitch (Travolta), a horny little boy teen confined to a big fish tank. Never knowing the touch of another human, except between sets, Young Lubitch must come to grips with his disease and himself. When he sees Gina Biggs in her underwear (played by the luscious Glyniss O'Connor) he realizes his libido is there for something more... something important. Through his trials and tribulations, young Lubitch learns an important lesson about teenage girls. Damned if I remember what that lesson was, but you can buy the damn thing for $6 if you're interested.

But now, in 2000, science has fucked up again. If Lubitch was born in this day and age, he'd just be another boy with a bad haircut. Never to have known the sweet attentions of Gina. Her maternal instinct would have drawn her to some other pathetic sap, and young Lubitch probably would have mowed down some classmates in a school shooting TV movie set to the tune of some crappy Marilyn Manson theme song. Not only that, but Travolta would have never made his debut and would still be whining in some Scientologist Star Chamber about how he almost made it big. Because, my little skippies, science has cured severe combined immunodeficiency.

And that is a sad and tragic thing, if you ask me. With Bubble Boy 2: Hot Teens in Plastic just on the horizon, too. Dammit.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

nvious@pigdog.org


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