Build Date: Sat Feb 24 08:40:06 2024 UTC

I love America so much that I want to fuck it.
-- Miss Conduct

Columbine Tragedy Takes Turn for Worse

by Tjames Madison

1999-06-29 05:30:25

Picture this: it's a benefit concert. It stars Lynyrd Skynyrd. It's a memorial for Columbine massacre victims. It will be beamed live to all Wal-Mart stores in the country. You can pinch yourself, but you won't wake up; once you start screaming, you might not be able to stop... in the Twilight Zone.

The "band," best known for its alltime lighter-raising standard "Freebird," will offer their musical version of throwing gasoline on a fire at a venue in Denver on August 10. Even better, for people like me who live their entire lives dreading the day that something like this comes to bear, the opening act: Nazareth.

Look, I am as touchy-feely as the next guy when it comes to Feeling Bad for Columbine Victims, but is this FAIR? I'm asking, is this kind of thing HUMANE?

Lynyrd Skynyrd. Nazareth. Columbine weeping and gnashing of teeth. Wal-Mart. Be there be there be there, unless you're some kind of fucking goth.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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