Night of the Lenin Dead

by Tjames Madison

1999-08-04 09:43:06

Crazy Ivan

Boy, those Russians sure know how to throw a funeral. More than 75 years after his death, the body of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, Bolshevik hero of the 1917 Russian Revolution, will finally be removed from the Moscow building where it has lain in state since 1924 and buried.

Of course, this has really ticked off some of the remaining old-timey communists in Boris Yeltsin's New Russia, and talk has turned to how to prevent zealots from stealing the Old Man's body before they can dig a hole and toss it in. Rumor has it that Yeltsin has ordered some of his men to do a "Weekend at Bernie's" thing and dress Lenin up in sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt and weave him through the streets of Moscow, telling everyone who will listen that "our friend seems to have had too much of the vodka."

You'd think Lenin would be really smelly after all these years, but apparently he's fresh as a daisy! Almost, anyway. Russian scientists, working under Communist Party edict, invented super secret embalming technology over the years to keep Lenin together. He almost looks real, except for the fact that he looks like a zombie about to rise out of the grave.

I think it's a good idea to bury Lenin, because I am against Zombie Presidents. But that's just my opinion.

Check it out yourself

jared@pigdog.org