Build Date: Fri Jun 13 09:40:10 2025 UTC
If Zach dropped a bottle of $69 dollar liquor, I think I would kill him.
-- Johnnie Royale
Pop Singer to Lead NATO Peace Talks in Balkans
1999-06-04 12:07:43
In a shocking move, but one bound to be popular with youngsters all over the world, NATO high command has decided to place world famous pop entertainer Michael Jackson in charge of peace talks with Serbian officials aimed at ending strife in that region.
Obviously this is a calculated move by NATO officials to gain popularity for their flagging cause, though you have to wonder about the wisdom of such an action. Jacko's record sales are, let's face it, not what they used to be. His popularity has taken a huge downturn since all those little boys turned up with their tales of Jackson's fetish for playing "Naked Movie Star" and other weird games. At first glance this seems like a desperate move by NATO to do something - anything - to add a little star power to their unpopular war against Milosevic, sort of like that one year on Saturday Night Live when Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. joined the cast.
On the other hand, Jacko still retains an immense popularity in third- and second- world nations. And the Serbians just love him, by all accounts. One well-placed source said, "The Serbs wear their wide-collar disco suits and drive around in smuggled Ford Torinos and blast 'Billie Jean' out of their blackmarket circa 1989 Blaupunkt car stereos." The thinking in NATO must be, "If we can't just sit down and reason with Milosevic, maybe we can put a little boogie into his butt." And Jackson, clearly, is the right man in the right place for the right job.
So we wait with baited breath, crossing our fingers that our very own Michael Jackson can bring an "Off the Wall" conclusion to a "Bad" and "Dangerous" conflict. Ow!
One sour note: check out the photo of Jacko in the link below. Man, he is looking older and older, and now he really does look COMPLETELY white!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
