Build Date: Sun Mar 23 03:30:08 2025 UTC
In the future, as to not create any more controversy, I will limit my affection and genuine liking of people to a "High Five" or a head butt.
-- Amy
Pop Singer to Lead NATO Peace Talks in Balkans
1999-06-04 12:07:43
In a shocking move, but one bound to be popular with youngsters all over the world, NATO high command has decided to place world famous pop entertainer Michael Jackson in charge of peace talks with Serbian officials aimed at ending strife in that region.
Obviously this is a calculated move by NATO officials to gain popularity for their flagging cause, though you have to wonder about the wisdom of such an action. Jacko's record sales are, let's face it, not what they used to be. His popularity has taken a huge downturn since all those little boys turned up with their tales of Jackson's fetish for playing "Naked Movie Star" and other weird games. At first glance this seems like a desperate move by NATO to do something - anything - to add a little star power to their unpopular war against Milosevic, sort of like that one year on Saturday Night Live when Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. joined the cast.
On the other hand, Jacko still retains an immense popularity in third- and second- world nations. And the Serbians just love him, by all accounts. One well-placed source said, "The Serbs wear their wide-collar disco suits and drive around in smuggled Ford Torinos and blast 'Billie Jean' out of their blackmarket circa 1989 Blaupunkt car stereos." The thinking in NATO must be, "If we can't just sit down and reason with Milosevic, maybe we can put a little boogie into his butt." And Jackson, clearly, is the right man in the right place for the right job.
So we wait with baited breath, crossing our fingers that our very own Michael Jackson can bring an "Off the Wall" conclusion to a "Bad" and "Dangerous" conflict. Ow!
One sour note: check out the photo of Jacko in the link below. Man, he is looking older and older, and now he really does look COMPLETELY white!
T O P S T O R I E S
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)