If your 87 year old Aunt Edna all of a sudden started handing out fresh tabs of acid, would you complain about how embarrasing and un-hip Edna is with her rocking chair and Alzheimers n' all, or would you just shut up and enjoy this unexpected bounty... -- Patient Joab
So supermarket tabloid the Weekly World News closed their
online edition. Why? "We would like you to buy the paper at least one stinking week out of the year."
Yes, it's all your fault -- and now Ed Anger is pissed.
"I've had enough of this free web crap," he rants in an online
editorial. "When I was a kid, the only thing we got for free
was a beating."
Now you've done it. No more updates for -- well, there's no indication how long the
temporary closure will last. "SO LET'S GO," Mr. Anger continues. "Take the money from your sleeping
roommate. Sell your VCR. Whatever it takes."
The editorial contains one link, to a page called joke.html -- but don't get your hopes up.
"MAN, YOU STILL THINK THIS IS A JOKE?" It contains nothing but a link to an online subscription form
for the newspaper. "ITíS BETTER ON PAPER ANYWAY," Anger reminds us. "We kill three hundred thousand
trees a year just so our loyal readers can take this fun publication to their bathrooms.
"YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR BATHROOM? HA! I DIDNíT THINK SO."
So now all the site's URLs redirect to a single-page redesign --
even the Weekly World News's archive
of stories about the legendary Batboy. (From "Batboy found in West Virginia cave" to
"Batboy endorses Gore".) And there's more sad news from just outside of New York.
Theatre-goers are no longer be able to purchase tickets for Batboy -- the
Just when Americans need it most, they're deprived of hard-hitting tabloid headlines
that make their lives meaningful like "SPIKY HAIRED PUNK IMPALES THREE IN BUS CRASH!"
and "SUPERMAN IS GAY!" So if you want to pitch in to show the Weekly
World News that you care, their site is currently displaying a handy photograph
telling you which issue to buy. Just look for this screaming headline: