Build Date: Sun Apr 19 15:00:13 2026 UTC
People who read PDJ should expect to be lied to. Dangerous, irresponsible
lies at that. Fuck the rules.
-- Lenny Tuberose
The Weekly World News Hates You
2002-02-06 10:45:26
So supermarket tabloid the Weekly World News closed their online edition. Why? "We would like you to buy the paper at least one stinking week out of the year."
Yes, it's all your fault -- and now Ed Anger is pissed. "I've had enough of this free web crap," he rants in an online editorial. "When I was a kid, the only thing we got for free was a beating."
Now you've done it. No more updates for -- well, there's no indication how long the temporary closure will last. "SO LET'S GO," Mr. Anger continues. "Take the money from your sleeping roommate. Sell your VCR. Whatever it takes."
The editorial contains one link, to a page called joke.html -- but don't get your hopes up. "MAN, YOU STILL THINK THIS IS A JOKE?" It contains nothing but a link to an online subscription form for the newspaper. "IT’S BETTER ON PAPER ANYWAY," Anger reminds us. "We kill three hundred thousand trees a year just so our loyal readers can take this fun publication to their bathrooms.
"YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR BATHROOM? HA! I DIDN’T THINK SO."
So now all the site's URLs redirect to a single-page redesign -- even the Weekly World News's archive of stories about the legendary Batboy. (From "Batboy found in West Virginia cave" to "Batboy endorses Gore".) And there's more sad news from just outside of New York. Theatre-goers are no longer be able to purchase tickets for Batboy -- the off-Broadway musical.
Just when Americans need it most, they're deprived of hard-hitting tabloid headlines that make their lives meaningful like "SPIKY HAIRED PUNK IMPALES THREE IN BUS CRASH!" and "SUPERMAN IS GAY!" So if you want to pitch in to show the Weekly World News that you care, their site is currently displaying a handy photograph telling you which issue to buy. Just look for this screaming headline:
"Salt Lake Shocker: 3-Legged Skater Banned...."
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
