Build Date: Mon Nov 24 10:00:15 2025 UTC
I HATE those pills. They turn my dick orange.
-- Donkey Hotey
Howdy Doody in Huge Paternity Suit
2000-05-06 09:40:52
Most readers of the PDJ are probably too young to have viewed the original Howdy Doody show... including this author. But like the Mickey Mouse Club, The Howdy Doody show defined a generation. And these bozos are arguing about who owns Howdy - who isn't working much these days. But, since he is a piece of Americana, an and ex-TV star, apparently he is worth something. I don't get it, but then I don't get most things. Still, money is money and Howdy = $$$, and since this is America, everyone and their brother is bringing in their legal goon squads.
So what relevance to Howdy have to you dear reader? Whatz the deal? See, the 50's were a time of massive US feel good and cheesy was in. And the Howdy Doody show was cheesy... it defines cheesy (just look up cheesy in dictionary, odds are there will be a picture of Howdy). So why it is cheesy relevant to you? See, it forms bases for most of the decision processes of the Baby Boom generation, yeah you know, the suits that are running the joint. They were the first generation raised on TV and they were programmed to response favorably to a puppet on a string - which is probably why they treat you that way.
So, all you Gen-Xers need to remember that when you're going for that multi-million dollar round of VC funding and the guy across the table is wearing a suit and has gray hair... if he has hair, grew up watching Howdy Doody do dumbass things and his head is full of cheese... American Cheese... ugh and he in gonna play you like a marionette if he can. I hate American Cheese. Makes me want to scrape my tongue. And I not to big on puppets, tho' I do like muppets... go figure.
Meanwhile, the Howdy in question lies imprisoned in a safe deposit box while attorneys in $2000 Armani suits argue who own what in front of a judge with their billing metering spinning at $500/hr. You can bet the lawyers will be the only ones making any money off of this deal.
Sickening really... and old Johnny Royale is ready to step in and solve their problem for a measly $1000 - flat rate. See, I got the wisdom of King Solomon... and a chainsaw.
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