Build Date: Fri Jul 4 19:00:15 2025 UTC
Maybe if you didn't keep the Internet under that leaky sink of yours, we'd be a little better off.
-- Mr. Bad
Howdy Doody in Huge Paternity Suit
2000-05-06 09:40:52
Most readers of the PDJ are probably too young to have viewed the original Howdy Doody show... including this author. But like the Mickey Mouse Club, The Howdy Doody show defined a generation. And these bozos are arguing about who owns Howdy - who isn't working much these days. But, since he is a piece of Americana, an and ex-TV star, apparently he is worth something. I don't get it, but then I don't get most things. Still, money is money and Howdy = $$$, and since this is America, everyone and their brother is bringing in their legal goon squads.
So what relevance to Howdy have to you dear reader? Whatz the deal? See, the 50's were a time of massive US feel good and cheesy was in. And the Howdy Doody show was cheesy... it defines cheesy (just look up cheesy in dictionary, odds are there will be a picture of Howdy). So why it is cheesy relevant to you? See, it forms bases for most of the decision processes of the Baby Boom generation, yeah you know, the suits that are running the joint. They were the first generation raised on TV and they were programmed to response favorably to a puppet on a string - which is probably why they treat you that way.
So, all you Gen-Xers need to remember that when you're going for that multi-million dollar round of VC funding and the guy across the table is wearing a suit and has gray hair... if he has hair, grew up watching Howdy Doody do dumbass things and his head is full of cheese... American Cheese... ugh and he in gonna play you like a marionette if he can. I hate American Cheese. Makes me want to scrape my tongue. And I not to big on puppets, tho' I do like muppets... go figure.
Meanwhile, the Howdy in question lies imprisoned in a safe deposit box while attorneys in $2000 Armani suits argue who own what in front of a judge with their billing metering spinning at $500/hr. You can bet the lawyers will be the only ones making any money off of this deal.
Sickening really... and old Johnny Royale is ready to step in and solve their problem for a measly $1000 - flat rate. See, I got the wisdom of King Solomon... and a chainsaw.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
