Build Date: Tue Sep 23 07:30:12 2025 UTC
I am become GAR, destroyer of worlds!
-- Baron Earl
World's Most Fucked-with Little Boy Gets More Shit Dumped on Him
2000-01-09 21:35:06
Man, I just don't know what to say about this Elian Gonzales kid. I mean, nobody deserves the crap this kid is getting. It's like a hole opened up in the sky and an endless stream of War Turds are raining down on him forever. Poor little bastard.
In a just world, this wouldn't happen. In a just world, a kid who survived a trip from Cuba to Florida in a tropical storm strapped to a piece of plywood with the bloated corpse of his drowned mother would get to go to the Big Rock Candy Mountain or the Willy Wonka factory and gorge himself on ice cream and play Sony Dreamcast for ever and ever and ever.
But it's not a just world. There are people who can look at a story like Elian's and think, "How can I make hay out of this little kid's unimaginable misery? How can I turn the publicity around this kid's Sandpaper Odyssey to the Fuckdungeons of Hell into some advantage for my political agenda?" So they fuck with this kid and make him an international symbol of SOMETHING, a political prize, a Rorschach image for their own weirdo ideas of what's right and wrong in the world.
I propose that there be a special kind of passport given out by the United Nations or something for kids like EG who've been through the Shitblaster Gauntlet and come out the other side. Some cool little booklet that says, "I have been places you and your ridiculous cronies pray that will never see. Your stupid national borders and diplomacy and embargoes and etcetera mean fuckall to me. Get out of my way and let me get on with my life."
This would be superfantastic. There's just a point when you don't deserve the horseshit treatment from bureaucrats and armed thugs, and Elian Gonzales has crossed it.
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