Build Date: Wed Sep 11 10:10:08 2024 UTC
Just be glad that someone is willing to pay for you to learn how to freeze heads.
-- Johnnie Royale
Here Is Your Jet Pack
2003-01-09 13:53:56
It may be a few years late, but your jet pack has finally arrived. The SoloTrek XFV (Exoskeleton Flying Vehicle) strap-on aircraft goes up for auction on eBay tomorrow. Bidding begins at $50,000 but the final sale is expected to exceed $1 million, according to Michael Moshier, chief executive of defense contractor Trek Aerospace. Just ignore that part about how the company is going out of business due to lack of money, a missed milestone and a test-flight accident, and let the bidding begin! There is only one.
The Proof-of-Concept Prototype accomplished its maiden flight in December 2001. The new second generation SoloTrek XFV First-Article aircraft has been built since then, completing its first flight on December 16, 2002. It can hover quietly over 2 hours at speeds up to 69 mph for over 100 miles carrying a person weighing up to 180 lbs. Simply step in, strap on and take off. The compact aircraft operates with readily available fuel, launches and lands vertically, and can land literally anywhere on a site the size of a dining room table. Never mind the promising applications in the military, paramilitary and civilian markets. Imagine what YOU could do with such a transportation device.
Leap tall buildings in a single bound. Drop in on your friends when they least expect it. Freak out plane passengers during airplane takeoff. Shorten your commute by hours. Hover around your boss's office window. Swoop down and steal peoples' hats. Become a high-rise Peeping Tom. Hmmmm, I wonder if you can have sex on it?
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)