I love anything with the word "Drinking" in it. So when I
found a German domain named Drinkrucksack-Beerbackpack.de,
I had to check it out. O, the horror...
The first picture tells it all: a man
walking around with a giant package of cigarettes strapped to his back. Click
on the image, and more
pictures appear: an army of male shills with other things strapped
to their backs. One is a giant bottle labeled "Bier"...
Though the page is in German, viewers quickly grok the sinister scheme. Another
one of the giant bottles is labelled "your logo."
Leave it to the Germans,
whose fetishism
is well-documented, to try seducing consumers with corporate bondage. But in
order to secure an expert analysis of the phenomenon, Pigdog Journal called in
the kitsch-loving webmaster behind Cardhouse.com, who, in a terse e-mail,
evaluted its significance as apocalyptic.
"One day in the near future, this object (or a similar one) will touch off the
glorious destroy-all-advertising revolution. These backpacks are like powder
kegs waiting to be lit - you're blocking the view of some _drunk guy_? You're
toast, Mr. Huge Candy Bar Man."
Branding engineers overlooked a crucial reality, notes Mister Cardhouse. "At
the very least, I'm sure it makes you pleasantly top-heavy, very tempting for
someone to kick you."
