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State of the Union? It Sucks!
2003-01-29 10:22:09


Mocking Parade
 
I'm a self-important, ignorant drunk who avoids organized religions like the plague.
-- Johnnie Royale

 

Well, gentle readers, we've just sat through George II's State of the Union address. Instead of getting stinkers with the State of the Union Address Drinking Game, I have generously and foolishly stayed sober, the better to crank out this article in a timely fashion. OK, really I just forgot to go to the package store before they closed.

The speech was all the same old shit. Tort reform will control medical costs for seniors. All those frivolous lawsuits, people sue just because the doctor operated on the wrong knee. Even if you're crippled for life, even if your expenses are more, you don't deserve more than a quarter of a million bucks. Reform income taxes, but don't say shit about the regressive nature of FICA. Joe Minimum Wage pays a much higher percentage of his income to FICA than does Bill Gates, due to the cap on contributions. Leave no millionaire behind! The top 1% of taxpayers, under his stimulus plan, will get MORE tax relief than the bottom 95% combined! Let's talk about energy independence! Hydrogen cell automobiles (didn't he just cut that funding last year?)! Now he's restoring half of his cut and calling it an increase! Way to go George! Drill the Alaskan wilderness and the Rocky Mountain Front! And be sure to chop down all those goddamn trees so we don't have forest fires. Jeeezus will save all those poor folks and drug addicts if we give money to churches. Change the name of Americorps to Freedom Corps so George can take credit for creating it. Drugs are bad! (Wasn't there a COCAINE bust in his past?). Did it ever occur to him that many of those "fatherless kids" would HAVE both parents without the drug war locking up nonviolent offenders? Sluts are bad. Abortions are bad. Cloning is bad.

Now he starts priming us for war. The flag stands for dignity. It'll dignify those Iraqis if we bomb the shit out of them. Hey George, didn't those 4000 Afghan civilians have the same right to life as the fetuses you want to force unwilling women to carry to term? Oh, and we are winning the war, you say? If so, where the hell is Osama? Where is the anthrax mailer? The terrorists are on the run? I thought they were being held incognito in American jails.

No one should have to die from AIDS, but don't ask George to fund sex education or birth control. Weren't the Democrats trying to get this African AIDS package through congress for years, with the Rethugs fighting it tooth and nail? Now he's reviving the Clinton program? I'm not holding my breath on this one. But we ARE going to institute a Star Wars-type program for bioterror! Which will, of course, include immunity from lawsuits for drug companies who sell vaccines which might kill thousands of people. Because of all those stupid frivolous lawsuits. Then he spoke about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, preparing us for a unilateral attack. But he doesn't say where they are... so it must be taking the CIA longer than expected to plant them. He says HE is going to defend the country? Just like when he deserted his National Guard post for a year during the Vietnam war? And since when are we attacking Iran? Looks like we are now. Korea can suck his dick too, but we're still sending them money and heating oil? Whatever. Wow, the "Iraqi scientists" who are talking to the inspectors are actually Iraqi spies! No, wait. They have been primed by the Iraqi secret service or something. Well, SOMETHING is wrong with them, anyway. And Saddam is helping Al-Quaida! I thought GEORGE dropped that story a couple of months ago, when he was called on it. Oh, the "horra"! Saddam bombed his own citizens (with weapons sold to him by the Reagan administration). War is being forced upon us! How did our oil get under their sand anyway? We'll bring the Iraqi citizens food, medicine, and freedom, (and bombs). "A loving God" will bless us? Who would Jesus bomb, George? If you want to live in a theocracy, then move to Iraq! I thought the crusades ended centuries ago. Onward, Christian soldiers?

He started out talking balanced budgets, but also proposed $23 billion in new spending and tax cuts for the rich. Fucking dick. Let's trash the first amendment, ignore the Geneva convention, and continue the failed economic policy, domestic policy, and foreign policy which fucked away the eight year Clinton boom in less than a year. Our nation's problems cannot be solved by the people who created them.

We need regime change right here in the US of A. May his "loving God" have mercy on us.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

punchbowl@pigdog.org


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