Reliable, Balanced Entheogen Information

     
 

Canada "Not Ready to Attack Iraq"
2001-12-22 03:25:45


Canadia Sucks
 
Your persona is the crime, and your life appears to be the punishment.
-- Lionheart

 

Canada has assured a worried US State Department that, despite recent indications to the contrary, it does not plan on attacking Iraq. The denial puts a lid on widely circulating rumors, mostly in my head, that Canada had been devising a stealthy sneak attack on Saddam Hussein involving the use of a small fleet of rickety commercial fishing boats and thousands of 64 oz. jugs of maple syrup. And possibly hovercrafts.

Canadian Prime Minister Jacque Chretien demonstrated his usual iron-trap grasp of current geopolitical events when he told Canadian television network CTV that Canadian forces had "joined the international coalition to fight the Taliban" and Osama bin Laden, something most of the world had known about for weeks, at least.

But that doesn't mean that Canada would support a US attack on Iraq, Chretien said, adding that more proof of Iraq's involvement in harboring terrorism would have to be offered before he would start trying to elbow Tony Blair out of the "George Bush's Bestest Friend" picture again, like he did in late September and early October after he was soundly thrashed by public opinion after a number of really inept Canuck diplomats got up in front of microphones and waffled on the question of just how bad the terrorists were, really, and was it fair to call it "terrorism" just because we don't like what they do? And are they really bad people? And isn't it fair to say the US brought this on themselves? Aren't we being a little Westerncentric here? Hello? Is this thing on?!?

Later in the interview, Chretien looked up from Bush's lap long enough to exhibit a stunning bit of detective work. "The problem with Iraq is not the same because bin Laden is (not) there and al-Qaida is not there, as far as we know," he said, adding that he had been personally assured of this fact by sources close to bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and Australian funnyman Yahoo Serious, and that he also knew it was true because his "Lucky Mood Ring" was currently glowing a vivid shade of blue, and the last time that happened he won a free happy meal in the "Who Wants to Be a Hoser Millionaire" scratch-off game at McDonald's.

Chretien was ominously silent, however, on the potential role of hovercrafts in the ongoing war on terrorism.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

vwbugger@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
by Flesh

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

03-31

Baron Earl

Creating a wall-hangable computer from an Ikea shadow box frame

More Quickies...