Build Date: Tue Mar 5 14:30:05 2024 UTC

My fits of Joy are soiled by relentless flashbacks and ghosts too foul to name
-- HST

Canadian Poison Wieners

by Crackmonkey

2001-08-09 16:17:37

So far our nation has been safe from wiener imports from the Socialist regime to the North, but recent developments in the Red Leaf Empire have unveiled secretive chemical weapons tests being conducted on Canadia's unsuspecting citizens!

Aside from the glowing blue concoctions of Tastytronic Industries, Inc., the world has been safe from most forms of poison frank.

"The hot dog in this country is typically pustulent, yet it has a certain cachet," noted one Dumont Gibbs of Redwood City, CA.

Recently, however, the Mitchell's bioweapons plant in Saskatoon began churning out wieners injected with the deadly listeria monocytogenes bacteria. These were packaged and labeled with common brand names and distributed to supermarket shelves alongside ordinary sausages.

Our inside agents predict that it's only a matter of time before the Canadian bombers and rockets rain down a hail of contaminated meat, spreading disease and pestilence throughout this great nation.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

T O P   S T O R I E S

Vinyl Nation: A Documentary Dig into the Record Resurgence

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G