Build Date: Fri Oct 4 11:00:15 2024 UTC
Hey, sexy mama: wanna kill all humans?
-- Bender
Once More Into the Behavioral Sink, Boys!
2000-05-10 00:28:05
Frankly, I just wanted to use that headline for something. I didn't have anything to go with it, so I looked around and found this story about Bryan Adams, the kind of story that makes you think, "Ick, Bryan Adams!" So now I can use this headline!
Also I get to piss off Canadians some more by using that headling and writing about Bryan Adams. Canadians love Bryan Adams, you see. He is their Cliff Richard, and you just can't tell them they are wrong and stupid for living Bryan Adams, even if they are. It is like if we here in America all got up one day and told the world, "Jim Nabors is our Great National Treasure! No one is a great a singer as Jim Nabors, so fuck off Italy and Spain and all those places with one or more of the Three Tenors! Jim Nabors kicks your BUTT!"
Ah, how dumb we would be. Ergo, Jim Nabors = Bryan Adams, except for exactly real to Canadia. See?!? Would you take any smack from a country like that? I don't think so. Real countries have real heroes. Like we have Mario Andretti. And Austria has Arnold Schwarzenegger. And Jamaica has those bobsled guys. Canadia has Bryan Adams, because that is the sort of chumps that they are up there.
Oh, so the story that the headline goes with! Some venture capitalist in Vancouver got married, and for the entertainment for the wedding, he had Bryan Adams "flown in from London" to play "music." Like Bryan Adams is really just sitting around waiting to be "flown in from London." Right. I bet he was working at a volunteer car wash in Saskatoon when the call came, and just SAID he was in London. And there's a big story about in the Vancouver Sun, because Canadians are desperate people.
I bet if Howie Mandel told jokes at some American guy's wedding, it wouldn't be in any real newspapers. Maybe some kind of giveaway shopper's sheet, but we aren't that kind of people, really.
T O P S T O R I E S
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
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It's that time of year again -- Burning Man Season -- and that means fresh SCIENCE! Here is a new lab experiment for the fruity hillbilly in all of us. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
