We all use Canadian English every day: when we order a
pizza "all-dressed", hope to get a "seat sale" to go south
during "March break", or "book off" work to meet with a
"CGA" to discuss "RRSPs." The above jibberish comes from a
web page promoting the "Canadian Oxford Dictionary," an
attempt to subvert our cherished English language with
stupid -- and sometimes perverted -- Canadian-isms.
Though it's a dictionary, the book's site promises that its 1,728 pages "cover
all aspects of Canadian life... The loggers of the west coast, the
wheat farmers of the Prairies, the fishermen of the Atlantic provinces, the
trappers of the North..." Spelling and pronunciation are only the stepping
stones to a broader indoctrination into sinister Canadian re-education
schemes. A clue to their agenda lies hidden in the web page's warning that
"Language embodies our nation's identity." Patriotism's fifth column has
apparently become the language itself.
Of course, this is jingoistic Canada-baiting. Another rumor has it that strict
"Canadian Content" laws required that the Oxford English Dictionary be
overhauled to include more Canadian English words. Support for this
theory comes from the web page's boast that the book "contains over 2,000
distinctly Canadian words and meanings -- more than any other Canadian
dictionary!" And indeed, some of the words do seem to be a true reflection of
the Canadian culture as this Pigdog staffer sees it.
body-rub parlour Adult Accompaniment all-dressed
"Imagine what's missing in the rest of the alphabet!" the demented Canadian
lexicographers leer.
But
pandering to your audience will only get you so far. A careful study of the
remainder of the list reveals that the unscrupulous hucksters have also
included such uniquely Canadian terms as "bond store," "astronaut," and "blood
donor clinic," plus the words "avail," "away," and "banking".
