Jerkcity comix


Canadians Fear Sexy Coke Machine
2000-03-16 19:30:53

Canadia Sucks
I am allegedly drunk.
-- Tjames Madison


Oversexed Canadian schoolchildren are complaining about subliminal images in their Coke machine. An "education reporter" from the Vancouver Sun was dispatched to the scene. Reporting from ground-zero in this battle against sex-promoting beverage ads, she found students staring at the innocuous red-and-white front glass saying they saw busty women.

One student accused the Coca-Cola company of programming them to associate the soft drink with sex -- calling the tactic "a sad reflection on Coke." The paper ran a picture of concerned students staring at the front of their coke machine, and tracked down Coke's Vice President of Public Affairs in Toronto demanding an explanation. School administrators, apparently worried that Pepsi may start passing out copies of Hustler in Montreal, are asking Coke to replace the advertising on the machines with pictures of Coke that are less sexually-suggestive.

It's a harsh lesson for the Canadians, who have already surrendered their school's hallways to advertising, and are now haggling about the content. Neither Canadian school administrators, nor Canadian journalists, want to confront their darkest unspoken fear: that this isn't a crusade against sex-positive advertising moguls, but a pointless witch hunt overlooking their original cowardly surrender to corporate advertisers.

Vancouver is apparently already a hotbed of teen sexuality and sex-positive media. "Most of us have seen more nudity than that in movies," a 14-year-old Canadian told the Vancouver Sun reporter. Remember that the next time you see a photo captioned "students believe the ice on the can is a large-breasted woman lying on her back." The real problem isn't the images; it's the minds of students corrupted by the perverted culture in which they live. Don't blame Coke. Blame Canada.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

comments powered by Disqus


C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
by Negative Nancy


El Destino

The Las Vegas Strip now has robot bartenders


Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson


Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE


Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders


Baron Earl

CES claims dildo is not a robot


Baron Earl

Rep. Steve King wonders how the phrase "white supremacist" became "offensive"


El Destino

Zeitgeist's Legendary 'Tamale Lady' Dies Just Weeks Before Opening Her Long-Awaited Restaurant


Baron Earl

Cliff Burton Day in Castro Valley


El Destino

When Spock met PLATO


El Destino

A musical reminder: Don't Say GIF

More Quickies...