Build Date: Sat Feb 24 10:30:15 2024 UTC

i'd rather be in a straightjacket than have to take this shit.
-- rotten elf

Canadians Are Still Real Dumb

by Tjames Madison

2000-01-29 15:44:03

So, you should check out this little film, eh. It's all about the history of Canadia! It's only about 20 seconds long, eh, because Canadia has a dumb history!

It's really crazy! First off, this evil beaver head streaks across a Canadian forest. And then a redheaded girl with pigtails appears for no good reason. And then we see a moose, followed by a Mountie, and then the moose gives a BLOW JOB to the mountie! I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS! This is probably like a tourism department film or something. Then a polar bear appears and eats the viewer.

The reason I found this was I was searching for sites about Canadian Content laws so I could make fun of the Nucks. And I found this site, which is really for a multimedia company (the hoser equivalent of Purpledyne Multimedia, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Pigdog Worldwide, Inc.) whose stated intent is to produce CD-Roms with "Canadian content." Haw haw! No, really.

Their first release is "Anne of the Green Gables," which I didn't even KNOW was a Canadian story! I am an ignorant American, trampling people all over the world with my thuggish boots of cultural oppression!

Future releases may include "Henry, Le Petit Lumberjack," "The Bestest Hockey Game Ever," and "Wobble: the Little Nuck Train That Thought It Could, With Assistance from Her Majesty's Glorious Commonwealth."

I made all those up. But that FILM is totally REAL! It's sick! I can't believe Canadians are REAL sometimes!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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