Build Date: Fri Oct 3 21:50:08 2025 UTC
I'm here to stupid myself to death.
-- Bonehead
Canadians Are Still Real Dumb
2000-01-29 15:44:03
So, you should check out this little film, eh. It's all about the history of Canadia! It's only about 20 seconds long, eh, because Canadia has a dumb history!
It's really crazy! First off, this evil beaver head streaks across a Canadian forest. And then a redheaded girl with pigtails appears for no good reason. And then we see a moose, followed by a Mountie, and then the moose gives a BLOW JOB to the mountie! I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS! This is probably like a tourism department film or something. Then a polar bear appears and eats the viewer.
The reason I found this was I was searching for sites about Canadian Content laws so I could make fun of the Nucks. And I found this site, which is really for a multimedia company (the hoser equivalent of Purpledyne Multimedia, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Pigdog Worldwide, Inc.) whose stated intent is to produce CD-Roms with "Canadian content." Haw haw! No, really.
Their first release is "Anne of the Green Gables," which I didn't even KNOW was a Canadian story! I am an ignorant American, trampling people all over the world with my thuggish boots of cultural oppression!
Future releases may include "Henry, Le Petit Lumberjack," "The Bestest Hockey Game Ever," and "Wobble: the Little Nuck Train That Thought It Could, With Assistance from Her Majesty's Glorious Commonwealth."
I made all those up. But that FILM is totally REAL! It's sick! I can't believe Canadians are REAL sometimes!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Naked Australian Redhead -- Missing!
She posed naked on the web, fought for pornography online, and even kept an online "Diary of a Virtual Girlfriend." But after earning a place in internet history, Bernadette Taylor vanished without a trace. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
