Build Date: Thu Sep 25 09:30:08 2025 UTC
This is the INTERNET, man. It was *built* by the AV crew.
-- Mr. Bad
Evil Canadia Poisons The World
2000-01-05 16:27:51
Damn! I was all depressed and hungover after this Y2K thing happened. Life just seems not worth living when you have a chompanyah hangover and civilization is chugging right along as usual. Then I found out that evil Canadia is doing much EVIL in the world! Beaujolais! Canadia-bashing is my favorite sport! So I have something to live for!
The deal is like this: Canadia is like the Number One manufacturer or producer or whatever of the horrible chemmie known as ASBESTOS. Asbestos is, as we all know, really nasty and it gives you bad cancer and stuff. My grandfather used to work in an asbestos plant, and his hair turned GREEN. Really, no shit! Asbestos is bad, bad, bad dangerous evil shit.
Everybody wants to get rid of asbestos because it makes you real real sick. Even the Canadian Junta has declared that all its colonial government buildings and trading posts must be asbestos-free. They're spending kajillions of worthless Canadian pesos on the project. Even France, for example, BANNED asbestos use inside the borders of la Belle Pays in 1997, and a lot of other Euro-trash countries are following suit.
But GET THIS: the oppressive Canadian Junta is CHALLENGING the French asbestos ban in the secret Star Chambers of the well-known Bilderberger side project called the WTO. Why are the Canadians doing this? Because they HATE EVERYBODY. Well, also, because grouchy French Canadians in Quebec are mad that they're losing their poisonous toxic jobs in the asbestos mines, and the Junta is afraid of the plucky Quebecois, who have been known to commit atrocious acts of barbarism when they get hopped up on speed and split-pea soup.
So the Junta will cash in some Masonic New World Order chips with the WTO, and force all French people to eat ASBESTOS FLAKES for breakfast! And because of European unity then all the other Euro-states will have to wash their hair with asbestos shampoo and drive asbestos-upholstered BMWs, too! Damn! This is exactly why everyone HATES Canadia!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)