It was all looking so good. The battle plan was another masterpiece, the minds out there just waiting to be manipulated towards another victory. Subtle pushes here, a few prods there, and voila!--another incompetent Democratic effort crushed on Election Day. Then came those damned teen tarts that serve as pages in Congress.
Who the hell let those fucking tramps in there? Hasn't it been apparent for decades that they are a threat to everyone around them? Those tight little asses in tailored trousers, just SCREAMING FOR A FAT COCK TO FUCK THEM INTO MANHOOD! The injustice! The humanity! The Viagra!
Proving that nearly anyone can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, Dennis Hastert has been prodded into action against the wanna-be pedophile from Florida, Rep. Mark Foley. Or at least the appearance of action, anyway. Following in the fine foosteps of other debacles like the Jack Abramoff affair, Hastert would like to sweep Foley's cock and emails under the elephant dung until after the coming mid-term election. But unlike a Republican hard-on, this case isn't going away in the next fifteen seconds.
Not up to speed on this one? No problem. I can help. Another upstanding Republican does something morally despicable and his bretheren run interference for him so that the party isn't damaged. Foley would have fucked several teenage boys in the mouth, throat, and ass all the live long day (or until the Cialis ran out), as his lurid emails to those same teens clearly demonstrate. These aren't disposable skanks from the easy side of town, either. They're the progeny of doctors, lawyers, stock brokers and other wonderful people who damn well deserve to have their tender twink sons cherry-popped by a pious pretender who's open to screwing anyone at any time under cover of Congressional authority. "I've never seen that dimpled Chad in my life, your honor."
Note to Hastert Team, from the Richard Nixon School of Political Fuck-Ups: the crime is nothing, the coverup is everything. Hastert knew months ago that Foley was trying to plow underage Congressional ass, but did nothing about it. And why should he? Bringing someone like this to justice would be totally out of character for Hastert's generation of Republicans. As would doing the right thing at any time. Hastert can be counted on as a reliable stooge when it comes to duping the American public into backing whatever corporate scam has filled the party's coffers. Apparently, he can't be counted on for a reasonable cover-up, either.
His loss is our gain, folks. The more that Americans see Republicans for what they truly are, the better our chances get at the polls. This one scandal pretty much rolls it all up into one disgusting and repugnant package. Not only was a noxious kiddie prod loose among the Republican ranks, his unctuous filth was allowed to freely continue his predatory ways by a party so bent on political domination that it gave tacit approval of his proposed child molestation. If this is the party of law and order, I'm Howard Cosell.
So rather than take a single Congressman and hang him to validate the new moral backbone of the party, Hastert and Co. have now purchased their tickets aboard the Ignominy Express for the one-way trip to Loserville. With only five weeks to go until voters hit the polls, this kind of shit is hard to wash off. If Democrats take this ammunition and go on the offensive, those wonderful little page boys may have just saved our national ass with their own hot little buns.
