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Another Hit By The Supremes
2003-07-01 00:35:52


Cackles of the Mad Reverend
 
I am become GAR, destroyer of worlds!
-- Baron Earl

 

That rumble I felt this morning wasn't caused by any kind of geological seismic displacement. Rather, it was the ripping wave of social change. In case you didn't feel it, or hear the resounding howl from the Castro, Greenwich Village, and Key West, the Supreme Court ruled that anti-sodomy laws are unconstitutional per a reasonable expectation of privacy.

Overturning its own ruling eighteen years ago in Bowers v. Hardwick, even dissenting justices were forced to admit that such laws were "uncommonly silly" (Clarence Thomas). Conservatives on the court reeled at the idea of such freedoms being guaranteed by our beloved Bill of Rights, but hey-sometimes Conservatives have to be dragged kicking and screaming into a future that the Framers left open for us to realize.

Under the doctrine of Equal Protection, the decision applies to both homosexual anti-sodomy laws and those designed for straight couples who enjoy nasty butt sex along with their blowjobs and muff licking. Given the overall grimness of out times, it's heartening to see the Supreme Court use words like "liberty of the person both in its spatial and more transcendent dimensions[.]" Now, I could be mistaken here, but it sure does sound like Justice Kennedy might have experienced some kind of transcendental moment on amyl nitrate while his Domme introduced him to The Plug. Even that stalwart Sandra Day O'Connor revealed a little of herself when she said that it was unfair to deny gays the pleasures that straights so richly enjoyed in states where the ban was on homos only. About twenty years ago, a severely inebriated fullback from the Washington Redskins, John Riggins, not-so-subtly suggested to O'Connor at a White House dinner, "Loosen up, Sandy baby. You're too tight." Judging by her concurring opinion, it looks like Sandy took the advice.

The decision is a tooth-buckling slap to Rep. Rick Santorum, who opined a couple months ago that protection for sodomy would herald the end of Western Civilization, since it would provide a precedent upon which bigamists, child molesters, and polygamists would gain legitimization. A favorite Republican tactic is to apply gross fear when common reason fails. Common reason says that laws against multiplicitous marriages and chicken hawking will never fall. They're on the books in every state in the Union. Homosexual sodomy laws were only on the books in four states, and a mere nine others banned sodomy of any kind. Of those nine, seven were Bible Belt states (and another was the Mormon stronghold of Utah). In Santorum's world, vocal minorities should control everything. Thankfully, they don't. As history has repeatedly shown, the Confederacy is the nadir of social evolution. Rick Santorum would do well to remember that when preaching Southern fears of buggery.

Does the right to sodomy make us a better nation? Sure it does. Like the pre-Riggins Sandy O'Connor, we're all wound way to fucking tight in America -- especially now. Despite Sarah Jessica Parker's successful series, Good Vibrations' annual sales, and Viagra's popularity, most Americans have some serious sexual issues. Girls are told that it's wrong for them to enjoy themselves, lest they become sluts and/or whores. Men are discouraged from exploring their bisexual sides because doing so reputedly makes them un-manly. Anyone going to church every weekend feels compelled to beg forgiveness for so much as masturbating or having a prurient thought. Do orgasms bring us closer to God? Is that radiant light we all see when getting our bungs boffed the same one all mystics tell us to go towards? The Lord works in mysterious ways, so the answer to both questions could be a resounding "YES!" When intimacy is expanded and loving relationships are reinforced by some delicious naughtiness, I can't imagine God being all that pissed off over simple mechanics.

Most of all, the court's decision is a victory for the Framers of our Constitution. Within the Bill of Rights are a number of personal freedoms. They were left open to infinity so that they could change with the times, as our founders knew times would change us. The document itself was meant to change, too, and has several times to reflect social progress. Slaves were freed and given human rights. Women could vote. So could eighteen-year-olds who were being drafted to die in a place they'd never heard of before being shipped there. Every time we step forward as a nation and expand our definitions of "freedom" and "privacy," we realize the promise upon which America was founded.

Wanna show your patriotism this coming Independence Day? Why not stretch out the Supreme Court's latest ruling and roil in the delight that no police agency can kick in your door or incarcerate you for shooting the moon or having it shot for you?

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

laredo@pigdog.org


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