Build Date: Thu Oct 16 02:30:07 2025 UTC
Check's in the mail. Don't cash it until the year 2002.
-- Tjames Madison
World's Only Jake Busey Fan Site
1998-11-17 02:24:00
I dunno. I just really don't know. It seems to me that with all the resources we've got on this big ol' World Wide Web, all the talent and creativity we have at our disposal, that someone, somewhere, could make a Jake Busey Fan Page that's worth a goddamn. But I guess that's not the case.
There's a link at the bottom of this page, and you can see Trav's home page, The World's Only Jake Busey Fan Site. Now, Trav's got a lot of enthusiasm, but he doesn't have a lot worth saying. And that's a crying shame.
I for one think this is a sad state of affairs. I mean, there's gotta be about 7 million Leonardo DiCaprio fan sites out there, and not a Jake Busey fan site worth crap.
OK, I've got an idea. Here's what you can do to help. We need to start a letter-writing campaign. I have compiled a list of the email addresses of a whole bunch of people who have Leonardo DiCaprio fan sites. Everyone who reads this needs to send them email to the effect of:
"Dear Webmaster: Did you know that while there are several thousand Leonardo DiCaprio fan sites, there aren't any Jake Busey fan sites worth a goddamn? Doesn't that kind of bother you? Maybe you should take some of your enthusiasm for Leonardo DiCaprio and make a Jake Busey fan site instead. Leonardo DiCaprio is great and all, but it's just a crying shame there's not a Jake Busey site out there. Signed, A Concerned Citizen."
Hell, you could even cut and paste that text. Go ahead. What the hell.
OK, here's some addresses:
illicitly_leo@hotmail.com (Illicitly DiCaprio Page)
[censored] (www.dicaprio.com)
editor@cricketmedia.com (Totally DiCapitated LITERARY MAGAZINE)
so_charming@hotmail.com (Leo King of My Heart Page)
NaomiG_98@yahoo.com (Leo's Loft)
pene@tig.com.au (The Leo Files)
rosiedog@geocities.com (Abbi and Sarah's Leonardo DiCaprio Page)
rsalkow@execpc.com (Katie's DiCaprio Fan Page)
the_leo_lair@hotmail.com (The Leo Lair)
janine@earthling.net (Leonardo DiCaprio World)
cappucino2525@hotmail.com (My Dear Mr. DiCaprio I Presume...)
favorite82@geocities.com (My Favorite Hunk)
If we all do it, at least one or two of these people is gonna switch. I'm telling you, it's gonna happen. You have to believe.
Anyways, send your letters, and check out Trav's page, too. Give him props because at least he's out there keepin' it real.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)