Ministry of Truth! Just like in that TV show with the cats.


1999-08-03 11:11:03

Burning Man Nonsense
Bourbon contains phytoestrogens. You will grow big hooters if you keep drinking it.
-- Trevor


Gar! It seems like it was just yesterday that SMRL was throwing a Giant Head of Spock into the fiery inferno that is the Burning Man. And now it's time for the whole shit shebang to happen again. But this time, EVEN CRAZIER!

August is the time of year when people crank their Burning Man efforts into HIGH GEAR. It's DEAD WEEK for Burning Man. It's CRAZY. Take, for example, Spock Mountain Research Labs: we're practicing our hog calls, desert-training the robot dogs, and brewing up VATS and VATS of hyperwhiskey for all our friends on the Playa! Not to mention the work that goes into disassembling our sekrit mountain labs to take to Black Rock City for a week. Jesus, that's HARD. But Beaujolais!

If you don't know what Burning Man is, well, HELL BOY, you're really lame and I can't really help you out on that point. Maybe you should check out our world-famous 1997 Burning Man coverage. Or you could look at this here Burning Man official page or even that crazy Saran Warp lady's ideas for this year's BURN.

Except for OUR coverage, though, you're gonna have a bit of trouble coming up with good writing about Burning Man on the Web. In general, the coverage falls into three categories:

  1. Stupid CNN shallow soft pieces, where the camera crew gets a shot of the Man, a couple of pictures of ladies in body paint, they write out "technopagan" on their notes a couple of times, and then skeedaddles for the safety and AC of the blackjack table in Reno.
  2. Pages and pages of burbling dimestore philosophy about what Burning Man is All About from first-year attendees who wouldn't know what Burning Man was All About if it humped them on the leg. Blech.
  3. Corpo dreck from the Burning Man LLC itself.

[One thing that always bugs me is that people always talk about how much great stuff there is to SEE. This is patently untrue. Looked at from a purely entertainment level, Burning Man is really kinda lame. Sure, a 30-foot gold-lame tower with lasers and burning naked ladies is kinda cool to see. But a broken-in-half dusty tower lying on the ground with a lot of smelly naked ladies picking their nose and trying to keep it from blowing away is NOT. There's a good reason BM has a "No Spectators" rule -- being a spectator is boring. Seriously! Your better entertainment value is the floor show at Circus Circus.]

[Lemme tell you, that first year at Burning Man we did was the SUCK -- mostly because we just walked around seeing other people's stuff instead of doing our own. Yeah, it's fun the first time in some ways, but our more recent trip, in our persona of Spock Mountain Research Labs, was much, much, much, a thousand times much better.]

[Although it was a fuckload of work, too. Sometimes I wish I'd just painted my ass green and put a feather up my nose, because that's way easier than building a cyberbilly science lab in the middle of the fucking Black Rock Desert. Jesus.]

[More on that later.]

Anyways, there are some exceptional pieces out there, of course. Joab Jackson's great piece on Burning Man is fabuloso cool. But this is one of our "link" articles, here, and the link that I'm referring to in this article is REAL REAL good, at the end of this thing where it says "Check it out yerself." Do that! Check it out, because it's real good. Participant point of view, good writing, low on burbleage. I liked it, go crazy.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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