Milk Sucks. Got Beer?
2001-02-12 23:05:57
PETA (No, not the People for Eating Tasty Animals, the OTHER PETA, the one with no sense of humor), has decided to CAVE IN to pressure from Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and ABANDON the ABSOLUTE BEST IDEA they ever came up with.
PETA, aka "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals," doesn't want people to drink milk unless that milk doesn't actually come from an animal.
Soy milk. Wheat grass milk. Old mushrooms strained through a coffee filter milk. THOSE kinds of milk are OK. Milk that comes from cows, that you might actually ENJOY drinking, is verboten.
You can imagine just how effective an advertising campaign would be that tells college students, "Don't drink cow milk, drink this healthy and cow-friendly SOY MILK." OK, a few mush-heads would go for it, but most people, if you could persuade them to even try soy milk, would spit it out as soon as it hit their taste buds.
What to do? Instead of getting kids to switch from cow milk to nasty old soy milk, PETA decided to persuade them to switch to something that college students really, really like: BEER!
Thus was born PETA's brilliant ad campaign: "Milk Sucks. Got Beer?"
Consider these important facts (from the PETA-sponsored milksucks.com web site):
See? You give students an alternative to animal products, one they actually like, then you give them lots of NIFTY FACTS to back up that choice. What's more, if you can get those students drunk enough, PETA's other ideas start sounding like they make a whole lot of sense!
MADD responded to PETA's campaign with a letter urging PETA to "please do the right thing and stop asking students to drink alcohol." That was all it took. PETA caved in to the pressure and pulled the ad campaign from college campuses.
Let PETA know how you feel! Don't take this lying down! If PETA stops this campaign now MILLIONS of college students will lack logical and reasonable excuses to become binge drinking, alcoholic adults. Write to PETA today at info@peta-online.org and make your voice heard!
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)