Build Date: Thu Apr 30 16:10:06 2026 UTC
GIVE UP. YOUR BODY IS DECOMPOSING AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE. THE PROCESS IS IRREVERSIBLE!
-- Tjames Madison
My First Prostitute
1999-09-21 13:06:31
I can't even decide where to start there are so many bad things going on with this article... it's a first person story of one wussy vice cops first time entrapping big bad mean prostitutes. Woe is he...
First of all the ol' ball 'n chain is nagging him at home about all the "various acts of perversion that took place in luxury hotel suites filled with naked, nubile girls" (how does she know?). He brushes her aside with a pack of lies about how he's just busting under-age drinkers and little stuff like that.
Secondly the vice squad sends him to a dirty smelly hotel where he must talk to a "shriveled man in a stained shirt." Apparently he has no actual assignment except to bust somebody for something cause he heads to try and find some illegal gambling at the local taverns. Failing that he asked the bell boy to get him a prostitue... why doesn't the guy just hang a big sign around his neck that says "Please approach me with offers of illegal activities."
Finally he finds himself a 20 dollar hoe, who he describes as "a woman in her mid-40s with a figure showing a lifetime of many second helpings." Great, a fat $20 hoe.
Luckily the whole thing has a funny little ending as everyone goes home with a tummy full of warm fuzzys for a good job done. Except, of course, for the old fat hoe who probably spends the next week or so in a dank cell, has her children taken away and five of her ribs broken by her pimp when she gets out casue she doesn't have his $18 buck share of her trick. But, other than that, I mean, it's a real cute story...
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