Build Date: Sat Mar 21 00:50:08 2026 UTC
The joke's on you! I *have* no head!
-- Sneakums
My First Prostitute
1999-09-21 13:06:31
I can't even decide where to start there are so many bad things going on with this article... it's a first person story of one wussy vice cops first time entrapping big bad mean prostitutes. Woe is he...
First of all the ol' ball 'n chain is nagging him at home about all the "various acts of perversion that took place in luxury hotel suites filled with naked, nubile girls" (how does she know?). He brushes her aside with a pack of lies about how he's just busting under-age drinkers and little stuff like that.
Secondly the vice squad sends him to a dirty smelly hotel where he must talk to a "shriveled man in a stained shirt." Apparently he has no actual assignment except to bust somebody for something cause he heads to try and find some illegal gambling at the local taverns. Failing that he asked the bell boy to get him a prostitue... why doesn't the guy just hang a big sign around his neck that says "Please approach me with offers of illegal activities."
Finally he finds himself a 20 dollar hoe, who he describes as "a woman in her mid-40s with a figure showing a lifetime of many second helpings." Great, a fat $20 hoe.
Luckily the whole thing has a funny little ending as everyone goes home with a tummy full of warm fuzzys for a good job done. Except, of course, for the old fat hoe who probably spends the next week or so in a dank cell, has her children taken away and five of her ribs broken by her pimp when she gets out casue she doesn't have his $18 buck share of her trick. But, other than that, I mean, it's a real cute story...
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
