Build Date: Sun Jun 14 09:50:07 2026 UTC
Please leave my undergarments out of this discussion.
-- Daisy
My First Prostitute
1999-09-21 13:06:31
I can't even decide where to start there are so many bad things going on with this article... it's a first person story of one wussy vice cops first time entrapping big bad mean prostitutes. Woe is he...
First of all the ol' ball 'n chain is nagging him at home about all the "various acts of perversion that took place in luxury hotel suites filled with naked, nubile girls" (how does she know?). He brushes her aside with a pack of lies about how he's just busting under-age drinkers and little stuff like that.
Secondly the vice squad sends him to a dirty smelly hotel where he must talk to a "shriveled man in a stained shirt." Apparently he has no actual assignment except to bust somebody for something cause he heads to try and find some illegal gambling at the local taverns. Failing that he asked the bell boy to get him a prostitue... why doesn't the guy just hang a big sign around his neck that says "Please approach me with offers of illegal activities."
Finally he finds himself a 20 dollar hoe, who he describes as "a woman in her mid-40s with a figure showing a lifetime of many second helpings." Great, a fat $20 hoe.
Luckily the whole thing has a funny little ending as everyone goes home with a tummy full of warm fuzzys for a good job done. Except, of course, for the old fat hoe who probably spends the next week or so in a dank cell, has her children taken away and five of her ribs broken by her pimp when she gets out casue she doesn't have his $18 buck share of her trick. But, other than that, I mean, it's a real cute story...

T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)