Well, it's British, it's mostly incomprehensible, it takes
the piss out of poor people, fat people, ugly people,
minorities and politicians of all stripes, and it's the
funniest thing on the web, now that the Onion's gone and
changed their name to GettingIt, fired all their good
writers and devoted exclusive coverage to the sport of
wrestling. Whoops.
GorillaGorillaGorilla (GGG for short) is a completely dense and totally nasty
piece of shit that makes me laugh until stuff I was drinking, like, an hour ago
comes out of my nose. GGG is petty and crude and though I don't know for
positive, I suspect it's put together by Mancunians.
Americans will probably be dumbfounded by articles like "One In The Eye For
Lovejoy From Duck" (about a British TV actor getting kicked in the eyeball by a
rogue mallard,) but everyone can probably relate to stories like
"Too-Fat-To-Get-In Cannon Man Fired From Circus," "Late Night TV Shows Are
Shit" ("I stayed up late for about three weeks, in different parts of the
country, and without exception, every single night I was treated to a
lamentable lot of shit," says a "representative" of the Broadcasting Standards
Commission,) and, more recently, "Daft Old Duke," which has a shocked Duke of
Edinburgh fleeing from a group of costumed performers at the National Coal
Mining Museum, only to return later and announce, "Sorry about that, I thought
you were a gang of cave darkies out of a fucking tribe."
Why did British TV stop showing wrestling in the early 1980s? "We took the
wrestling off the telly because I started having these dreams," says World of
Sport anchorman Dickie Davis. GGG also speculates that an epidemic rash of
ringworm among leading wrestlers led to its demise.
But if you really want to find out why GGG is the shit, check out "The Beer I
Am Inventing," by "Latvian Correspondent" Tayto Plink:
In the night of a Latvian forest I am inventing secrets. Like
mythical elixir from under-the-earth dwarf. It is magic beer.
The colour, sprinkling brown, is like a hawk cloak. It has gastric
fullness that open four or five options up.
I put nuts in it.
A potion I make on boiling the silt will shrink stuff. I spill it
deliberate on Seth and the outcome halarious. Now he do twisting walk that
comes from the short leg.
If you like pop I dare you come try my
special boose. Let Tayto make your horizon wilder.
This site doesn't get updated nearly enough for my taste, but that's about the
only thing I can find wrong with GorillaGorillaGorilla. This is what the web
is for, eh? Bad people. From the future. From bloody ENGLAND.
