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If someone like Karl Rove had wanted to neutralize the most creative, intelligent, and passionate members of his opposition, he'd have a hard time coming up with a better tool than Burning Man. Exile them to the wilderness, give them a culture in which alpha status requires months of focus and resource-consumptive preparation, provide them with metric tons of psychotropic confusicants, and then... ignore them. It's a pretty safe bet that they won't be out registering voters, or doing anything that might actually threaten electoral change, when they have an art car to build.
-- John Perry Barlow

God's Movie Critic Gives Thumbs Down to Underwear

by Tjames Madison

1999-07-07 00:27:45

This guy is crazy. Not in a good way, either. Crazy in "stop sniffing my buttocks, Mr. Marv Albert" sort of way. These are Christian Movie Reviews, more or less, and nothing in the cinema makes Thomas A. Carder angrier than house fires and adult underwear.

He has some wacko rating system called W.I.S.D.O.M. he uses to calculate the ChildCare Action Project (CAP) score of current films, the lower the rating, the less godly the flick. And Mr. Christic doesn't find much godly about contemporary films.

Here, for instance, are some of the things he finds upsetting about "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me":

  • knife impalement
  • death by fire
  • an "aggression bite to the privates"
  • punk dress
  • self touching of privates
  • pelvic thrusts
  • bottle of Heineken beer used because of its phonic resemblance to slang for the posterior

That's just a partial list. Carder also notes that "Dr. Evil sensually sucked his little finger." Carder is also very sensitive to scenes that portray exposed underwear. In an informal survey, Pigdog found that 90% of the films reviewed at this site were marked down for inappropriate underwear display.

It probably doesn't need to be noted, but Carder sees suggestions of FILTHY PERVERTED SEX in all sorts of innocent things that most people would never consider. This is a real good crazy person site.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

dunsmuir@pigdog.org

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