Build Date: Mon Sep 9 08:40:06 2024 UTC
In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.
-- HST
God's Movie Critic Gives Thumbs Down to Underwear
1999-07-07 00:27:45
This guy is crazy. Not in a good way, either. Crazy in "stop sniffing my buttocks, Mr. Marv Albert" sort of way. These are Christian Movie Reviews, more or less, and nothing in the cinema makes Thomas A. Carder angrier than house fires and adult underwear.
He has some wacko rating system called W.I.S.D.O.M. he uses to calculate the ChildCare Action Project (CAP) score of current films, the lower the rating, the less godly the flick. And Mr. Christic doesn't find much godly about contemporary films.
Here, for instance, are some of the things he finds upsetting about "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me":
- knife impalement
- death by fire
- an "aggression bite to the privates"
- punk dress
- self touching of privates
- pelvic thrusts
- bottle of Heineken beer used because of its phonic resemblance to slang for the posterior
That's just a partial list. Carder also notes that "Dr. Evil sensually sucked his little finger." Carder is also very sensitive to scenes that portray exposed underwear. In an informal survey, Pigdog found that 90% of the films reviewed at this site were marked down for inappropriate underwear display.
It probably doesn't need to be noted, but Carder sees suggestions of FILTHY PERVERTED SEX in all sorts of innocent things that most people would never consider. This is a real good crazy person site.
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
Suru and I were at the local supermarket recently when we found ourselves in the booze isle, surrounded by rum. Banana rum, coconut rum, vanilla rum, unfiltered run, Jamaican rum, rum, rum, and more rum. We bought one of each and started experimenting... (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
