13-year-old Swindles New York!
1999-06-29 17:15:37
HA ha! This crazy Honduran boy had everybody thinking his life was SOOOO REALLY HORRIBLE! When, in fact, it was only just kinda really horrible, now everybody wants him to give back his rollerblades and ice cream. Gee Wiz, those crazy third-world kids! What'll they think of next?
So, here's the scoop: 13-year-old Honduran boy shows up in a Miami dinner claiming to have walked and hitchhiked all the way from Honduras to find his long lost father in New York. Supposedly his whole family was wiped out in Hurricane Mitch and his father is his only hope! This nice folks at the dinner all chip in 109 bucks to buythe kid a bus ticket and off he goes to the big apple, where he becomes an overnight celebrity. He gets his photo taken with important people, he's in all the newspapers, he gets new clothes, rollerblades, and free food from cops, taxi drivers, and politicians. BUT IT WAS ALL A BIG FAT LIE!
Now everyone's feeling all hurt and used and stuff because, while they thought he was worthy of their love, attention, and gifts becuase of the HORRIBLE HARDSHIPS he had survived. It turns out ALL he's had to REALLY deal with is his father dying from AIDS, being shipped back and forth between realtives in Honduras and various parts of Florida (the article sorta mentions that his mother lives in the industrial town of Choloma, but has had nothing to do with raising "the boy," so you see, he's not really an orphan), and the fact that his grandmother plans to send him to reform school as soon as she gets him back. Oh, and the part of Honduras he lived in "was not seriously affected by the hurricane, which devastated much of the country." -- so you see, this boy is just a BAD SEED who tried to abuse the KINDNESS of strangers. POOR, POOR Mayor Rudolph Giuliani!! While he ever learn to TRUST a CHILD AGAIN?!
Oh, and the stuck the kid in some foster home until this all gets sorted out...in case you cared, at all, which you shouldn't cause they're all lying and just trying to get you to buy them food and stuff...
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Boo-zho-lay for you, Pigdog reader! Another fine Spocktail of the week is available for you. And this week's offering is EXTRA special and fancy, since it celebrates the birthday of Pigdog's own STAR TWINS! (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)