With blatently racist overtones, Kentucky's fatbelly police
are warning people not to take suspected serial killer
Rafael Resendez-Ramirez for granted. "Just because he's
Mexican don't mean he don't know nothin'," said Sgt. Mark
Benard. "As shocking as it may seem, some Mexicans are
The meaty Sgt. describes Ramirez as "street smart," citing his history of
tutoring individuals in algebra, geometry and English [yeah, you learn a lot of
algebra in el barrio, we've heard]. One can only imagine that Ramirez is quite
when it comes to the logarithms of the streets. He has been known to gang sign
the quadratic equation to other members of the vagabond serial-killer world.
Authorities have also advised against anyone attempting any "heroic" acts due
the mysterious nature of what they see as a rare phenomenon -- an educated,
One would-be vigilante explained, "Wulp, we figured since he was just yer
typical crazy, stupid mesican that we could just set up some tin cans, ya know,
on a string and hang 'em alongside the railroad tracks all sneaky like. Then,
when he jumped off the train all drunk like (coz dem wetbacks are alwayz drunk)
he would get all tied up, make all sorts o racket and we would hear him from
our shack right o'er yonder and have nuff time to git 'em wit da shotgun!
"I guess that ain't gonna work now since they's sayin' he real smart like. At
least we got us sum good eats one night when a 'coon got all tangled up in der.
Woo-hoo! was them sum GOOD eats!"