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The Dangers of Underestimating Mexican Serial Killers
1999-06-28 21:56:48


Bad People
 
Killfiles are lame. They're like bestiality, man -- if you absolutely must indulge, for God's sake, don't make a big fucking public deal about it.
-- Mr. Bad

 

With blatently racist overtones, Kentucky's fatbelly police are warning people not to take suspected serial killer Rafael Resendez-Ramirez for granted. "Just because he's Mexican don't mean he don't know nothin'," said Sgt. Mark Benard. "As shocking as it may seem, some Mexicans are pretty clever."

The meaty Sgt. describes Ramirez as "street smart," citing his history of tutoring individuals in algebra, geometry and English [yeah, you learn a lot of algebra in el barrio, we've heard]. One can only imagine that Ramirez is quite astute when it comes to the logarithms of the streets. He has been known to gang sign the quadratic equation to other members of the vagabond serial-killer world.

Authorities have also advised against anyone attempting any "heroic" acts due the mysterious nature of what they see as a rare phenomenon -- an educated, intelligent Mexican.

One would-be vigilante explained, "Wulp, we figured since he was just yer typical crazy, stupid mesican that we could just set up some tin cans, ya know, on a string and hang 'em alongside the railroad tracks all sneaky like. Then, when he jumped off the train all drunk like (coz dem wetbacks are alwayz drunk) he would get all tied up, make all sorts o racket and we would hear him from our shack right o'er yonder and have nuff time to git 'em wit da shotgun!

"I guess that ain't gonna work now since they's sayin' he real smart like. At least we got us sum good eats one night when a 'coon got all tangled up in der. Woo-hoo! was them sum GOOD eats!"

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

guvnor@pigdog.org


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