Build Date: Thu Apr 30 16:10:07 2026 UTC

But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had to stumble out into the past and look for busses. We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS.
-- Crackmonkey

Oh God Make It Stop!!

by Negative Nancy

2000-02-28 13:35:25

Please! The pain! Oh no no! Not The Positive Press! I can't stand it, I'm just not strong enough! Ahh!! It's all around me- stories of "human strength, kindness, ingenuity and perseverance," inspirational messages and essays! essays! and-- oh it's so horrific! **Warning: sensitive people and those with weak hearts should not read any further.**

I don't know if I can even describe it. There are all these happy people saying-- ugh -- happy things. There ought t' be a law! Here was have this amazing thing called the Web, and these people are filling it up with threads like:

  • "all things are possible"
  • "That special place"
  • "be positive and all the hurdles in the way will clear"
  • "let trouble make you a better person "

Ahhhhhh! They must be stopped! And I'm just the person to do it! For every happy fact they post- I pledge to put up 5 articles on PDJ detailing mans on-going inhumanity to everything!

Murder! Injustice! Stupidity! That is what websites are made of!

Please send contributions to:

Keep the Internet Dark & Dirty c/o Negative Nancy PO BOX 666 Spock Mountain

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

uaka@pigdog.org

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