Build Date: Sat Apr 26 04:20:23 2025 UTC
"Squeal like a pig." Just saying the line conjures up images of Hillbillies and Ned Beatty's sweaty pink face. It's a powerful image, jammed into the American psyche like a fat Hillbilly cock in a tiny city-dweller's anus. The image will just not go away, no matter how hard you try.
-- enigma
British Plot Against America: Squirrel Domination!
1999-06-16 03:01:36
The British are notorious for being nutty. Not only do they have bad teeth, but they have a strange love for squirrels. We here at Pigdog KNOW the evil that lurks in the hearts of _all_ squirrels, and we have diligently reported on their many vicious, hateful and blood thirsty crimes against humanity!
It seems that the Limeys have found a way to curb squirrel populations by putting them on the Pill. They capture the little devils and inject them with the stuff, or they hide it in tasty little nuts which are irresistible to the fluffy little bastards. Sounds good, right?
But, Nooooo! It's NOT a humanitarian effort on the part of the Brits...Not at all!
Instead its an insidious plot against America and all that is good!!
Those bad English people are only targeting the superior GREY Squirrel which is indigenous to our beautiful land! Our squirrels, of course, are stronger and brawnier than Britain's weak, puny, limp-wristed, RED squirrel.
Score -- Ours: 2.5 million. Theirs: 150,000!!! Hahaha!
Obviously ours are better. Once again, the Brits lost. We are just better, and they just can't accept it...It's so sad. Now they have resorted to cheating. At the worst level...Instead of working towards an end to ALL of the vicious little fluffy tailed bastards, they are building up theirs at the expense of ours. In fact,the Limeys are engineering what they call a "Super Red." Does this not ring of squirrel racism?? Ethnic cleansing??
If you are going to love, must not you love ALL vicious little fluffy tailed vermin?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)