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British Plot Against America: Squirrel Domination!
1999-06-16 03:01:36


Animal Rampage
 
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa

 

The British are notorious for being nutty. Not only do they have bad teeth, but they have a strange love for squirrels. We here at Pigdog KNOW the evil that lurks in the hearts of _all_ squirrels, and we have diligently reported on their many vicious, hateful and blood thirsty crimes against humanity!

It seems that the Limeys have found a way to curb squirrel populations by putting them on the Pill. They capture the little devils and inject them with the stuff, or they hide it in tasty little nuts which are irresistible to the fluffy little bastards. Sounds good, right?

But, Nooooo! It's NOT a humanitarian effort on the part of the Brits...Not at all!

Instead its an insidious plot against America and all that is good!!

Those bad English people are only targeting the superior GREY Squirrel which is indigenous to our beautiful land! Our squirrels, of course, are stronger and brawnier than Britain's weak, puny, limp-wristed, RED squirrel.

Score -- Ours: 2.5 million. Theirs: 150,000!!! Hahaha!

Obviously ours are better. Once again, the Brits lost. We are just better, and they just can't accept it...It's so sad. Now they have resorted to cheating. At the worst level...Instead of working towards an end to ALL of the vicious little fluffy tailed bastards, they are building up theirs at the expense of ours. In fact,the Limeys are engineering what they call a "Super Red." Does this not ring of squirrel racism?? Ethnic cleansing??

If you are going to love, must not you love ALL vicious little fluffy tailed vermin?

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

punchbowl@pigdog.org


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