Build Date: Fri Jul 11 14:21:32 2025 UTC
i'm sorry for using quasi-real names and being gory.
-- Sylvia
My Pseudojournalism Is Yellow!
2001-05-19 01:24:47
A few days ago I urged you all to go hunt this ape-monster. What have I wrought?
Wow. Now there's bands of angry Indians roaming the streets, looking for the ape-monster. Some people say it's a person in an ape mask, and those very same people are going around beating up suspected ape-mask-wearers. Like, they find people sleeping on roofs, and beat them up because they might be the ape-man! Torch wielding mobs! Violence in the streets! Anarchy! Lions having sex with lambs and creating leo-sheep-things! Um, what was I talking about again?
Oh, the ape guy. Apparently, it's got metal claws, red eyes, and green glowing chest. Police are talking about mass "fear psychosis", but there's also a $1000 reward for capturing the ape-monster, so it's sort of a mixed message.
One such rioter was quoted as saying, "Uh, I'm just here to take pictures of the monkey-man. Oh, and Pigdog told me to say they sent me."
Okay, I'm lying about that last part.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
It's that time of year again -- Burning Man Season -- and that means fresh SCIENCE! Here is a new lab experiment for the fruity hillbilly in all of us. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)