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As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so.
-- Dr. Gonzo

Fabio Latest Victim of Insane Animal Hostility

by Tjames Madison

1999-03-31 20:32:00

Butter-substitute enthusiasts everywhere breathed a huge sigh of relief recently when male supermodel Fabio emerged bloodied but unbowed from a vicious confrontation with a kamikaze goose in Virginia.

The goose, tracking the beefy Italian Creatine poster boy and romance novelist's movements, zeroed in on Fabio while he was riding a roller coaster at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, VA and attacked his face with terrible force, gouging an inch-long rut into the bridge of Mr. Fabio's much-photographed nose. Isn't it odd that these animal hoodlums can pinpoint Fabio's location on a rollercoaster in Virginia, yet none dare call it conspiracy? And if Fabio is not safe, then who among us truly is?

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

kunst@pigdog.org

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