Build Date: Thu May 7 23:40:05 2026 UTC
...she asked me point blank if I considered myself a Buddhist or a Christian. I said I was bisectual.
-- Splicer
Sugar Aliens On The Run!!!
1999-06-05 13:05:31
As all you E.T. hunters know by now, Seti@home has just started sending chunks of radio telescope space data out to home computers to scan for messages.
A few Skeptical Sams (some even in the deepest ranks of Pigdog) think that the chance of any cosmic creature sending us a signal in the narrow band of frequencies that SETI is listening to are SO bad that it's not even worth bothering. Others, however, disagree. They prefer to see the pie tin as half full, rather than half empty.
Sure, the chances of finding alien life are slim, but if we *do* make contact with an alien civilization then, you know what? We'll have access to some **unbelievable** pie recipes!! I mean those aliens, being of superior intellect n' all, must have some outrageous space-age desserts. Man, I bet they're shoving some *killer* pecan pie down their food tubes (or whatever it is they use to eat with) right now!
Their pastry science is quantum years beyond that of our mere earthling efforts! They have flavors our tastebuds can?t even register! They may even have anti-matter sprinkles! Think about it. Our own primitive confectioneries must pale pathetically compared to their intergalactic slices.
Of course, actual evidence of such cosmic vittles has been limited to merely after-dinner speculation- until now!!! We have just received a shocking news report, from the respected UFO magazine Fate, that aliens have been filching the supplies at one of the LARGEST sugar refineries in the world! This can only mean one thing: them ay-leens are fixin' to bake themselves some serious pie! Wee-HAW!
El Destino contributed to this report.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
